SwitzerLand

My First Rugby Game

2009-02-21T05:43:00.000-08:00

My first Rugby game was long over due.

It all started so innocently, however it wasn’t to last that way for long. When two Western grads joined by a South African friend meet up half way around the world and go to a rowdy Super 14 Rugby game in Johannesburg at famous Ellis Park٭, copious beer consumption soon becomes the overwhelming aspect of the night. The setting demanded it.

We arrived 30 minutes late, but that didn’t matter. We had been cruising downtown in our taxi, windows up and doors locked, in a shiny new blue Benz, already downing beers in the back working on our pre-game buzz

Once arrived, we bought our tickets at the gates amongst the roars from the crowd inside the open aired dome. Excitement was in the air.

We made our way inside, but before we reached our seats, or should I say the best empty seats we could grab, we had important business do get to: beers.

Now, we’ve all been to the Skydome, or another stadium in where the lines are long, beers are flat and the price is high. Many places will often even limit your consumption. They don’t want to get the crows too rowdy now. This rugby game in South Africa changed all this for me. Here are their rules, and how it all went down:

First off, the beer tent was exactly how it should be – rammed, sloppy and filled with drunks. Empty beer cans were three deep on your feet, with the spilt beer turning the ground beneath to mud. Crowded all around with drunk white Afrikaners with their mullets were a plenty. These aren’t the people with mullets that you’d point at make fun of, no, no, no. These are some of the thickest, rowdiest, liveliest, scariest and drunkest sports fans I’ve ever came across. They were awesome. But back to the beer.

Secondly, you could only buy beer in 6 packs at R90 a pop (roughly $11CAN). To make things tricky, the South Africans had a rule that no beer cans were allowed into the stadium. This was solved by what is known as outright illegal back home in Canada. They give you giant plastic pitchers as your cups. Between the three of us, we immediately bought four 6 packs and pored them into 2 pitchers (pitchers were hard to come by, which complicated the process a bit) Once the beer was bought, it was a mad dash to get as much beer without spilling into the pitchers. Many a men soon found out that a 6pack does not easily, nor neatly, fit into that pitcher. Chugging became the name of the game. And you had to hurry – you had a game to get back to.

We managed to chug as much as we could, filled the two pitchers, and hid a few of the last cans into our jeans. It was now time to actually enter the stadium and watch this game called Rugby – that’s what we came here to do no?

Although the game was well under way, our entrance was timed perfectly. As soon as we walked in and saw the field, the Home Team (Golden Lions) scored a diving try, lighting up the audience around us. If I didn’t ask the South African we were with, I’d still be yelling out touchdown. That’s how much I knew of rugby.

And it went on like that – learning the game, boozing, screaming, chatting up our neighbours, chugging contests with our neighbours, and sometimes even watching the game; it was great. What a game it soon turned out to be.

The away team tied the game up to 31 a piece with 50 seconds to go. The air was thick; everyone was tense and many people a-cross-eyed by this time of night. The Lions needed to work their magic. A few scrums, and a few fine plays later, and ‘TRY’ (I agree, it doesn’t have the same ring as ‘TOUCHDOWN’ does it?) the win with 5 seconds left. The crowd was already rowdy – but now it was just drunk mayhem. Definitely not the scene after a Toronto Blue Jays win; rugby is crazier.

The best part of the game, however, was yet to be had. In the middle of the second half, the three of us had our ‘Field of Dreams’ moment, when we all heard a magical voice over the speakers telling us to ‘be sure to stay after the game to go out onto the field’. What’s this? We all looked at each other in disbelief. We can go and run out onto the field? We were quite drunk by then, and thought for sure it was our minds playing tricks on us. What stadium would allow the rowdy fans onto the field to muck-about? The legalities, the condition of the field, security, and so on would all be in jeopardy. But were in South Africa; rules are different here; and this is exactly what happened.

What better way to keep fans love of the game alive than to allow them onto the field that their heroes touched and played on only a few moments ago. The game had now ended, and we were watching from our seats in disbelief – fans were actually going on the field. We had refilled our pitchers in the second half, and so still had quite a bit of booze left. Add the fact that we were pretty much sloshed by this point, there was no way we were going to be allowed on the field. Kids were playing mini-games in their own pockets on the fresh grass. People were kicking their rugby balls high and through the posts, and others were simply tackling whomever they could find. We needed to at least try to get on that field.

And that we did; pitchers in hand, we walked straight past security and onto the field. What a surreal experience. We were running around and laughing like school children, still not believing that this was possible. We were waiting for security to politely ask us to leave, but they never did. We stood right in mid-field finishing our pitchers, like any fine gentleman would.

After watching everyone else kicking and passing their rugby balls around, we felt underequipped. But we were drunk and therefore quite resourceful. The lid of the pitchers became a Frisbee, and we played our own version of rugby with that for awhile. But then a stroke of brilliance came upon us. The idea of using the now empty pitcher as a rugby ball itself came to mind. We immediately went and lined up a field goal.

It never even came close to the posts, but it didn’t matter. The night was already a Touchdown, or at least a ‘Try’ I should say.

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٭ Entire books have been written on a historic event that happened here in 1995. This one event unified a divided nation, and brough Mandela into the hearts of whites. Read more here.

2009-01-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

Just as Central Park acts as the lungs of Manhattan, so does Maiden Oval provide the same for south Mumbai. This open field is not known for leisurely strolls however. This place acts as sacred as any sport arena in the world. Yet unlike Yankee Stadium, Wimbledon or Wembley, entrance here is free - both to play on, and to watch India’s revered national game.

Palm trees are lined around the long perimeter, providing much needed shade from the hot sub-continent sun; whereas the rest is grass which has turned into a permanent tint of brownish green. The field needs much water and rest from those that use it; but as with the rest of Mumbai, there is no rest to be found here.

On weekdays you will find gentlemen dressed in white, in funny hats running after a ball that is harder than a baseball. They will break for tea, for lunch, and for tea again as games last as long as the sun shines. Sometimes they go on for days. Unlike Mumbai however, no rush is to be found here.

On weekends the number of games and participants multiplies. School is out and so to are the children. They are pretending to be the likes of Yuvraj Singh and Sachin Tendulkar. The riskier ones call themselves Brett Lee or a fancier Shane Warne; but they are rare. These are Indian school children remember. Can you imagine a young Canadian wanting to be an Ovechkin over a Crosby, a Jagr over a Gretzky?

The pitches are so many they quickly begin to overlap themselves. Outfielders are soon standing on the pitches of 10 other games, not to mention the 50 games that are a step over to the right; but they make do. Imagine 10 baseball games being played on one field. To make it work you simply shift everyone, home plate included, over 10 feet and you can start a new game. Repeat until there is not a patch left for homeplate. This is the scene here on Saturday afternoons. Open space in Mumbai is a luxury – an open-air grass field is heaven. It is simply hard to come by.

But so too are the wickets and the stumps; the equipment needed to make this game happen. Rocks, garbage bins, sticks, popcans, old shoes, etc. will do just fine. The one thing they do have in abundance are people – which means more games are to be played. To an outsider it looks as if they are playing a poor, scaled down version of the game. To the Indians the spirit is alive within the sport more than ever, and they are all rich for being apart of it.

The scene is dramatic. The Bombay High Court and Mumbai University act as the ever present officials, towering over the grounds dressed in their neo-gothic architecture. It’s a formidable sight, both in style and location. The crowd is the city itself. It’s always packed to a full house

It’s a setting unlike anywhere else in the world. India has many of these, yes; but here on this ground, the Maiden Oval, it’s stronger. You see all of India’s history; it’s past, present and future rolled into this one story. From the game itself and the towering brick officials that the English build and left behind, this former colony still vibrates their former ties with the Crown. The present is displayed in real time, through the method and mode of the sport highlights India’s resilience and versatility to having and owning little but playing on, living on, indifferent to their situation. The future is shown through their eyes, for the promise to win and to be great is what fuels dreams for a better tomorrow. Many first learn to dream once walking on this field. It is here where they can dream of becoming great.

The saturated colours of this hazy, tropical city leave an imprint on the mind that no Polaroid will ever capture. These images carry more than pictures; they carry a substance which will only greet those who dare to experience it for themselves.

And it’s this idea that makes this country, mother India, so fascinating. Pictures of her will bring you a hint or a clue of what she looks like. All the possibilities will only be unveiled and unravelled to those in person. You must show your ticket before entering; accessing her beauty is not that easy.

Once you are in, it’s yours to explore. Through the good, the bad, the ugly to the downright difficult. Through the smiles, the crowdedness, the horns and the head wobbles. The street cows, painted foreheads, the bumble bee taxis and their numerous Hindu Gods. Through Bollywood and Big B, to curry and thalis, and the masala chai wallas; the experience is there for the taking. Go out and get it. Why not stop by the Maiden and catch some cricket while you are at it – the shaded areas are great for a long and lazy afternoon.

'ride the recession out on a beach'

2008-12-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine, when asked what he was going to do for work, after he was finished backpacking around India, replied ‘I’m going to ride out the recession on a beach’. The only thing that will be crashing here will be the waves. This is the attitude I am talking about.

Many of you, I hope, still have your jobs in tact. Others that haven’t been so lucky, or for those wanting a change in lifestyle – this post is for you, and now is the time to listen.

The smart thing to do in today’s economic shit hole is to save your cash. Put it under your mattress and hope for better days. It will come in handy. Stop eating out at restaurants and staying at home away from late night partying. Don’t buy that new shirt or new pair of shoes; they can wait. Practice austerity and exhibit discipline.

Or you can book one way flight to the Philippines, Peru or India and live like a king for six months.

Welcome to the New Rich (coined by Tim Ferris, author of Four Hour Work Week), welcome to currency leveraging, welcome to adventure, welcome to a great life. Many have already been enjoying this secret lifestyle in places that most people can’t even pronounce, such as Vang Vieng, Varanasi, or Koh Phi Phi – let alone point them out on a map. But you should be able to - these places seem to be on the edge of some alternative universe and are fantastic.

It’s hard saving money and surviving in Toronto or wherever you happen to be living now, especially if you are job hunting in this already difficult market. So why not make it easier on yourself and ‘ride the recession out on a beach’, like my mate said. C’mon, I know those winter months aren’t anybody’s favourite, and haven’t you always wanted to learn how to surf in Chile or learn Muay Thai in Chang Mai? And what if I told you it’s cheaper to live out there in paradise then to be burning your bucks on burgers and beers back home.

Blowing your savings on an extended vacation may not be the responsible thing to do, but with a bit of planning and a few thousand dollars, it's the easy thing to do – and the most enjoyable. Trust me, it will be well worth it.

To make it easier, I have laid out 4 classic destinations that include great weather, beautiful beaches, flavourful food and cheap beers all for under $30/day. And no this is not schlepping it out in a hostel with 10 other bunk-beds stuffed into one room. My suggestions include your own private bungalow on the beach, 4 meals a day, taxis, tourist museums and alcohol a plenty. Sure the airfare is the most expensive, but deals are-a-plenty and with a little effort you can fly half way around the world for $600. I’ve done this many of times already. And anyways once you've arrived you can live on a fraction of what you'd spend and live on at home.

Destination #1 - Goa, India

Known for it’s outdoor parties, laid back culture and endless miles of beaches, Goa will suck all negative thoughts out of you and replace them with a cool ocean breeze. Visit the old Portuguese churches and ruins, get lost in the sub continent’s jungle, and check out one of the largest hippy market in the world. Rent a scooter for $5/day and drive around this State sans shirt and get that tan you’ve always wanted. All beach bars serve the fresh catches of the day with sides, for less than a cheeseburger at McDonalds. Your bamboo hut is thin enough to let the ocean breeze cool you down at night, yet sturdy enough to make you feel secure. This can be home for a few motnhs.

#2 Southern Thailand’s Beaches

All the rumours about this place are true. Hot bodies from Sweden, Australia, Canada and Hong Kong all come down to play in Thailand’s gorgeously landscaped beaches where volley ball games never stop during the day and the music never stops at night. Once a month there is a mass exodus of backpackers and holiday makers throughout South East Asia, and they all funnel onto one beach known as Hat Rin on a tiny little island off the West Coast, all for the famous Full Moon Party. Ticketed as the largest beach party in the world, it simply will not let you down.
Rumour has it that it was the Israeli woman whom invented the bikini. After a few days on these beaches, you’d believe it in a heart beat. Not only do they where them, they where them well.

If the party side is wearing you out, take a Muay Thai Boxing course and train for just dollars a day. A few weeks time you’ll be able to kick anyone’s ass.

#3 Essaouira, Morocco

Looking for some extreme action adventure, then this is your place. Nestled right on the ocean, the old Medina still to this day acts as the heart of the city. Just outside the old city walls you can enjoy a beach stretched out for miles out on the Atlantic. Not only is this city a UNESCO World Heritage Listed City. In the 60’s Jimi Hendrix wrote a song about the place, and other notables such as Orsen Welles and Sir Winston Churchill have wandered through this dazzling ancient city. Today the beach is filled with kite surfers, windsurfers and board surfers catching the wind and the waves swooping across the water. Take lessons and become a pro within a week for $10/day.

History buffs can be rewarded too, as you will learn of the Berber tribes which once ruled the land, to the Arab conquer to the subsequent battles against France, Netherlands, Spain and England. Every nook and 1.5 foot width walkway will lead you to another treasure of discovery within the walls of this immaculate town.
Take an Arabic class and learn from the locals, enjoy Berber Tea and desert trips on a camel out to the Bedouin tribes whilst climbing up dunes of sand bigger than you can imagine – all for dollars a day.

#4 Kullu Region, Himachal Pradesh, India (the Himalayas)

Want more challenge and a change of scenery? All those beaches taught you 1001 ways to do nothing – now it’s time for something new! Hiking the Himalayas will bring an unforgettable experience. The clean crisp air, the scenery and the challenge are all things that will make and force you humble again - you are great, yes; but these mountains are stronger, harder, older and more impressive than you will ever be.

Hiking village to village (usually 4-6 hours to the next village) will provide you with a sense of accomplishment, whip your butt into shape and along the way you will meet some of the friendliest and most incredible people you will ever come across. More Chinese looking than Indian, these people are originally from Tibet/Nepal who have since moved Eastward for safety sake.

Be sure to smoke and finish all your hash at each village, as the police roam the foothills watching for smugglers with pounds of some of the finest and purest Himalayan Hashish you will ever come across, stuffed down their pants. It’s no worries though, as you can get your next supply higher up in the next village, where it will be smoother than butter. One village in particular holds the men who cultivate the cannabis as living gods, becoming not only Chiefs but living deities within the village.

A sturdy pair of shoes from the city prior to departing for the mountains will run you $20, with food becoming more expansive ($2/meal versus 50 cents) the higher and further in you go.

Read a book, write a book, do whatever you want. You will have all the time in the world.

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All these globetrotter getaways are safer than the streets of your home town at night, even for woman travelling alone. A money belt is a great idea to secure your passport and money, and you can always lock up your luggage at the Hotels. But don’t worry about fitting in or finding other people to learn to surf with – you’ll be surrounded by people just like you, in a surrounding that can’t the difference between a recession to a recess – and simply doesn’t care too.
So what are you waiting for – go out there and enjoy what this world can offer. I guarantee you it will open up your mind to ideas and ideals you never once imagined. The easy part is just doing it. The hard part will come six months later when it’s time to go home.

For those naysayers out there, continue with that attitude. Stay at home. It leaves the beaches cleaner, trails less beaten and the experiences more unique for me and the others. But hey, you are always welcome.

Guiness

2008-10-03T09:41:00.001-07:00

I've had what I have missed

2008-09-16T20:03:00.000-07:00

Beers with friends, dinner with family. 1/2 chicken with french fries, double the sauce and an extra bun at Swiss Chalet. Dairy Queen ice cream cake (double fudge inside of course). Egg McMuffins, a double double and the St. Lawrence Market eating a peameal bacon on a bun.

If you are not from Canada, you won't get this. If you are living in Toronto, you forget what I have craved for these past 8 months.

The only thing thats left is 2 Junior Bacon Cheeseburgers and a Frosty from Wendy's.

Checking off stupid food items that you missed is more enjoyable than looking for work let me tell you.

By the way, you know of anyone looking to hire a seasoned traveller?

PS. Will work for boxed wine and lodging.

Home

2008-09-09T05:58:00.000-07:00

After living and working in Cairo and Dubai for the past 8 months, and visiting other weird places in between, I've landed back home in Brampton, Ontario.

Greatful of my work experience but moving forward into the unknown without it, was a hard decision; but it was the right one.

That is right, I have quit my job in a cool city to come back to live in Brampton for awhile. I think there was something in Cairo's water...

Either way I'm happy, and looking forward to my next job, my next residence, my next adventure. I heard McDonalds is hiring.

a Story

2008-08-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

This is taken from 'The 4-Hour Workweek', by Tim Ferris. Pick it up and give it a read. Here is a little dose with a great message:

An American businessman took a vacation to a small coastal Mexican village on doctor’s orders. Unable to sleep after an urgent phone call from the office the first morning, he walked out to the pier to clear his head. A small boat with just one fisherman had docked, and inside the boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.
“How long did it take you to catch them?” the American asked.
“Only a little while,”the Mexican replied in surprisingly good English.
“Why don’t you stay out longer and catch more fish?” the American then asked.
“I have enough to support my family and give a few to friends,” the Mexican said as he unloaded them into a basket.
“But...What do you do with the rest of your time?”
The Mexican looked up and smiled. “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Julia, and stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor.”
The American laughed and stood tall. “Sir, I’m a Harvard M.B.A. and can help you. You should spend more time fishing, and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. In no time, you could buy several boats with the increased hall. Eventually, you would have a fleet of fishing boats.”
He continued, “Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing, and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village, of course, and move to Mexico City, then to Los Angeles, and eventually New York City, where you could run your expanding enterprise with proper management.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, senor, how long will all this take?”
To which the American replied, “15-20 years. 25 tops.”
“But what then, senor?”
The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right, you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.
“Millions, senor? Then what?”
“Then you would retire and move to a small coastal fishing village, where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, and stroll to the village in the evenings where you would sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos...”

I've been busy

2008-07-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

For those few who do eventually decide to read my posts, either because they find them at least midly amusing/interesting, or because you are my Mother, I apologize for the lack writing lately; I've been busy.

On the heels of a 4 day trip back out to Dubai and Abu Dhabi, I am back in Cairo ready to tackle this new work week.

I definately have some great stories to tell, but some I'll keep for when we meet again in person just to have something cool to talk about. Kind of like the goats that can climb trees in Morocco. Remember that one boys?

Some things that shoot out that I want to share right now are:

Emiratis will always make me laugh.

Read the '4 hour work week'

Listen to Randy Pausch's speech. Oprah's version is condensed and gets the point out, but if you ahve the time, watch the original.

Thanks to Emmy for the lunch outside the Burj.

Thanks to Hani for the hospitality as always.

Thanks to Daisy for showing how easy and hard it is to go at it alone.

Thanks to Ellen for text messages.

And even if that big Nigerian in traditional wear sits next to you on the plane and smells like sweaty ass, don't let it get to you and start cursing him in your mind- they always turn out to be super nice people. Appearances are illusions. Sure smell is not, and he still could have done something about it - but his niceness made up for his rancid smell. I dunno if that makes any sense, but yeah, he was a cool guy really.

2008-07-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

2008-07-04T13:34:00.000-07:00

Did I ever tell you how I met Carmen Sandiego?

a simple solution

2008-06-28T06:43:00.000-07:00

This topic has been on my mind for awhile now, I just didn't know how to tackle it. I was thinking of clever examples, strong arguments and powerful conclusions.
But there is really no need. The answer is simple, so I will keep it that way.

You cannot turn on the TV, flip through the papers or click on the Internet without hearing about the rising costs of oil and what it is dong to the world's economy. 'Production issues',everyone says, and the lack of output of oil in the oil producing Nations is the axis on where all our problems lie.

This is simply just not the case. The issue itself stems from us and rooted within our culture of consumption. Outside looking in, I see how much necessary waste us North Americans go through each day. Many of the world's emerging economies are in danger of following our wasteful footsteps - they want the nice car, the air conditioner, the TV, the radio, the dishwasher, the washing machine, etc, too. And with disposable incomes growing, vaulting over 2 billion people into middle class, they can afford it now too. All these products need the energy inputs to be produced, then continually need this energy to function. This is a population 6x the size of America. You can see where this is going.

So look, it's not about going green, or trading your new car for a bus ticket, or even washing your dishes in the shower to save water (c'mon, you've thought about it); it's simply being conscious with what is going on. And when that happens, not only will your eco-footprint habits change, your whole walk and attitude about this culture will as well.

Besides, nobody really likes forks and spoons that taste like shampoo anyways.

The shape shifting building

2008-06-26T00:55:00.000-07:00

This is the same tower, just at different points in it's never ending rotating fantasy.

I saw the video for it last night, and it truly is unbelievable.

What will Dubai come up with next?

Eye to Eye

2008-06-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

Walking through the Halls of the Egyptian Museum in Cairo, you are walking alongside tales as old as time - and proof that they were once actually there.

This museum holds the largest collection of Pharoanic Antiquities in the world, and it is all out on display. It is absolutely fantastic.

I had visited the Museum some 7 years back and it was much the same as I had remembered. With this in mind, I knew exactly why I came and where it was where I had to go.

It was upstairs, in it's own separate, air-controlled room.

Before I was in that exact spot of where I needed to be, we first walked through the rooms which housed all the artifacts that he was buried along with. This is the closest experience to a time machine I will ever see. There was jewelry lined with gold, silver and bronze. There were weapons, paintings and offerings. There were clothes, food, and jars filled with perfumes and oils. But I didn't come for this. These artifacts just warm you up for the main event; and I was getting close.

Entering into the separate room, out of the corner of my eye I saw what I came for right away. But I instinctively paid no attention to it. Unlike the Pyramids where your excitement builds as hints of the massive structures peek out over rooftops the closer you get to them; it’s of no use or value seeing what I came for from afar, then slowly getting closer to it. You have to be right in front of it, face to face, eye to eye.

So circled a bit and waited until I had a few seconds to myself with him. I had my chance and I stepped in. I looked right into his eyes and was immediately lost in all of time for those brief seconds. It’s that moment when you figure out exactly the meaning of it all, but you know you will never be able to describe it. The simple pureness of it all is simply incomprehensible, and the thought is lost once you snap back into reality.

King Tutankhamun is perhaps the most recognizable out of all the Pharaohs. His solid gold funeral mask is what defines his image. Beautifully decorated and painted, it shines brilliance. And there I was, eye to eye with him, sensing all the possibilities of what this world had and ever has to offer. That is what it feels like, if that makes any sense. But things like this don't have to make sense. Simply put, King Tut's mask is incredible for it defines mystery, wonder and amazement all in the same breath.

You see the past, you see the future; you see the unknowns and you see the truths. You get caught up in it all that everything is forgotten. Your mind just had a rush of a million thoughts but you are thinking of nothing; you are in complete solidarity. It's that powerful.

Then as quick as it happened, it's gone, as you realize where you are as others are trying to take your place, for their turn to stare into the eyes of their unknowns. You look around and remember you are in a Museum. Your name is Matt and you are in Egypt. It all slowly comes back. The sounds of tour guides and of people moving around are back into focus. You walk back down the stairs and out to the doors where Modern Cairo awaits you. It's hot, it's loud, and it's dirty.

Your thoughts in this City will never be as clear, or as pure, or as simple, as they were for that brief moment in time; today’s Cairo doesn’t allow for it.

Only in that one spot is where it can be found, face to face, eye to eye - when it was just you, the King and all of time.

Pot Pourri

2008-06-15T09:42:00.000-07:00

There is a lot that is going on out here in Cairo, I just never know where to start, or how to put it all together into a coherent story. For now these point formed sentence stories will have to do:

The drivers here are nuts - literally mental. I want to take a video of how one must cross the street on foot. It's an experience.

Somebody took a shit in the stairwell of the Hilton Hotel. I think I am the only one that knows this because I am probably the only one who takes the stairs. Not to be prejudice, but I tell you, Egyptians are lazy and will take the elevator down one floor if the service is there.

The weather has been gorgeous! 35 everyday, not too humid, nice breeze - it feels like a real summer!

H&M just opened up shop in the CityStars Mall here in Cairo. It's the best Mall here and finally I can buy non-Arab looking clothes. Sweet. I already spent over 700 Egyptian Pounds there on the weekend. I will be back.

I bought a great new suit here for $150 CAN. I don't know how much suits go for in Canada, but I think it's a good deal, no?

"Wander, how hot is it in Kuwait?", I ask.
"Imagine putting a blow-dryer about 10cm from your face and put on full power. It's that hot.", Wander tells me, after Kuwait records a 50C temperature last week.

Anna Magnoon - translation - I'm crazy. This usually gets pesky Egyptians off your back quick.

I ate a classic Egyptian meal last week - stuffed pigeon. It was salty, the meat was rough and hard to find. Stupid birds make stupid meals.

I still get surprised on how green Cairo actually is. The Nile really shows it's presence through all the greenery amongst this thick and old concrete jungle.

Why have working traffic lights when you can pay a dude with a whistle $5/day to stand in the heat and direct traffic in this funny white uniform.

"What is with these people?" Mr. Bas Dudok Van Heel.

Go Celtics.

All for now, and missing Toronto just a little bit,

Switzer

this country

2008-06-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you feel that in no matter what direction you try to swim, it is always up stream. Business, culture, customes, and signs; gestures, predicting and trying to stay ahead will always work against you, and you never know why. All you know it frustrates the shit out of you. It will all happen again tomorrow, but you go on despite it. People have been here before and got the job done. If they could do it then, then I can do it now. Keep truckin'

this and that

2008-06-03T05:30:00.000-07:00

I owed one of the local fruit stand guys 7 Egyptian Pounds (CAN$1.25) for a few apples I didn’t have the money for one night earlier in the week. I always go to the same shop, so he knew I’d come back. I was also the only white guy in the area within at least a 3km radius, so he knew he could find me if he wanted to; 7 EP is a lot of money for these people.

Heading back there the next day to pay up, he invited me for a smoke and tea in his shop. 5 minutes later, dinner was laid out on the table, and we dug into Bread, rice, some sort of stew and some sort of green soup/dip. It was a proper Egyptian meal, and I enjoyed it. He spoke as much English as I could speak Arabic, but we got along, showed pictures of our family and cracked jokes through hand gestures and funny sounds. I wonder when the last time a Canadian invited an Arab in for dinner?

The next day it was moving day, out from our apartment in Mohandessen (an area on the west bank of the Nile) to the Ramses Hilton, where my King sized bed and balcony with the Nile view waiting me. Can you believe this? I wake up to a view of one of the most famous rivers of all time. Cool.

Friday was spent in a true travelers style. Ellen and I hired a boat for 4 hours, and spent the day cruising the Nile, well north of Cairo, out of the pollution and out of the noise. This was a true glimpse into what Egyptian farming life is all about. We stopped off at a island around the Nile Delta, smoked some shisha, drank some tea, and walked around looking at the various farming plots. It was a cool experience, and this is what makes the job worth it for me. I may be in a suit sweating my balls off for a good chunk of the day, but once work is finished, you have the city of Cairo to explore; and I've only just begun.

Spell Check

2008-05-27T10:00:00.001-07:00

Microsoft Word's spell check doesn't like Arab names.

My first Hash Run

2008-05-24T04:12:00.000-07:00

It's not what it sounds like.

Hash Runs are an organized social event, which happens on every weekend in pretty much every major international city in the world. I went on my first one yesterday, here in Cairo.

For 27 years straight, hashers have been meeting up in the middle of the desert to get their hash on. Called 'the drinking club with a running problem', hash runs are a unique and interesting socializing event which encourages expatriates to get out and to say hello to each other.

There was about 50 of us yesterday, meeting in the middle of an ancient gorge out in the desert, on the outskirts of Cairo. The opening ceremony started by introducing the course/scavenger hunt. They then initiated the new bees (myself and Ellen) by throwing us in the middle of the circle and singing weird songs to us. As soon as it started, it was finished. The 'race', was now on. Most of us did the walking route, which lasted 1.5 hours or so, following the dropped lentils (hash markers) which led us up and down the gorge, getting some great views over the entire city, with the Pyramids still showing themselves across the city through the thick smog.

10 of the 'hashers' took the running route, which was an 8 km run through the center of the gorge and back again.

Once finished, we all convened around back in a circle and began to drink heavily. There were drinking games, songs, and funny jokes (think of O-week at Western with booze). The sun was on us hard, and after 2 beers I was feeling quite woozy. An hour or so later, most got back into their 4x4's and drove out back into the city; another hash run completed, they'll impatiently wait for next week’s.

Most of the people were Diplomats, NGO workers, UN school teachers, etc... and were all living in Cairo. Other were vacationers who go to every hash around the world they can get their hands on. They all have nicknames too. One guy was named 'Delhi Belly', and explained that he likes to leave his trail wherever he goes. Ellen, a girl I work with was named 'hot Dutch pornstar chick'. I wasn't bestowed with any nickname, but I will work on that.

In the end, it was a weird yet cool experience. It gets you out of the city, let's you meet other people, and allows you to let loose for a few hours.

It was a good time, and I would recommend other to try it out if they can. If overseas, contact the American / Canadian Embassies and they will point you in the right direction. Check them out online too.

Sharm El-Sheikh

2008-05-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

It took 45 min to fly over across Suez and the Sinai, finally landing here in Sharm. On any given day you will find Russians, Brits and Italians wondering these streets. These few days you have the same sun soaked tourists, but an added flavour has come to town: The World Economic Forum. All the big cats from around this round globe showed up here to meet, hold conferences and to get down to business.

Unfortunately I didn't sign up in time for Press Accreditation, but we did have Press Passes from Cairo's Press Office, and this landed me in the Press Center here in Sharm, where the bigwigs come in, answer a few questions, and get back into their bullet proofed HUMVEE's to be swift away to who knows where next.

The highlight of this adventure was sitting in the second row for Mr. Mahmoud Abbas, Palestine's President. He answered 3 questions, all in Arabic, and then left.

I left soon after too. Unfortunately the King of Jordan cancelled last minute, and the Foreign Minister of Israel, Kuwait and of Oman don't interest me. I don't understand Arabic either and there was shisha to be smoked.

Khalas.

Things I will never get used to

2008-05-16T03:27:00.001-07:00

Working in the Arab world has it's ups and downs, it's left turns, it's right turns, and turns that make no logical sense to anyone involved except to the person who is telling me such things. Here they are:

No left turns here. U turns only by turning right. This is a frustration that drives you mad in the UAE.

The workweek being Sunday - Thursday. No matter how long you experience it, it just goes against your own conscious. Waking up on Sunday morning to go to work leaves me feel robbed of my weekend, even though I had two days off with Fri and Sat.

To fill up your tank with gas costs about $7-10.

I joined a local gym for the month, and in the midst of working out the music stopped and all the other men left their weights. It was prayer time, and they all joined together kneeling and bowing towards Mecca, chanting their prayers. This was in the middle of the weight room people - what a sight! I continued on my work out but went about it in a quiet/subtler way - I didn't know what to do! Ha.

'Insha Allah' - for those that know, they know.

Fresh fruit stands on every corner. Freshly squeezed Juice is offered as well. For $1 you can get fresh orange juice and 3 peaches. Great snack.

The friendliness of these people. It really does put our culture of acceptance (or non-acceptance) to shame. These people smile, say hello and invite you into their homes to make you feel welcomed. How do we treat Arabs with Osama beards back in North America?

Hearing the calls to prayer from all speakers from all the Mosques is always interesting. The sounds echo throughout the entire city, and with this happening 5times a day, it is a constant reminder that you are indeed in another world.

It is another world, and I'm glad to be experiencing it.

LOVE YA MOM!!

2008-05-11T05:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day MOM!!

I LOVE YOU!!!

XOXOX

No longer in Dubai, but...

2008-05-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

This is a 27km project people!! His Highness Sheikh Mohammad thinks BIG.

Mr. Hamdi, our Driver

2008-05-07T04:15:00.001-07:00

For the past 3 years, all teams here in Egypt have used Mr. Hamdi as our official driver in this crazy city.

He knows every side street and every short cut. His network allows us to get whatever we want or need. He is the man.

Last night he invited us to his house to have dinner with his family. I wouldn't miss this for the world. It was in an area of Cairo where tourists are not to be found, just Egyptians, their families and their daily lives. It was an experience.

Last year when a TV crew from our company produced an Egypt program, thy of cour used Mr. Hamdi as well. Thy liked him so much they filmed a segment just for him.

Here it is.

Shook'ron

Impressions of Cairo

2008-05-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

What can I say about this city? It's gritty, it's loud, it's old. Time has been here, and it has left its mark. 5000 year old Pyramids, 1000 year old Mosques, 600 year old roundabouts, statues and mausoleums. The buildings are well aged, run down and over used. Yet somehow this city retains it's grandeur, it's charm; there is a vibe here that one cannot explain, only experience.

Surprisingly, sprouting out from the dust and people filled streets are lush greeneries, trees, bushes and plants. Deep underground the Nile still shows it's life and power through the bright leaves of trees amongst this old concrete jungle. And it is a jungle. A jungle full of people, Arabs, talking with their horns, through their shisha pipes and on their mobile phones, and they are loud.

It's a 20 million plus city that hasn’t shut down or kept still in over 6000 years.

We got lucky over the weekend. I don't know what and how it happened but somehow we entered the Giza plateau, home to the famous Pyramids, after tourist hours (I will tell you more of our driver Hamdi and his many friends throughout the city another time). The sky was blue and the sun was setting; the place was literally empty. For 2 hours it was myself, my partner Ferda and her friend Willis. Our Guide was there just to make sure our horses would not run away once we hopped off of them. But imagine that, 2 hours of just you and these Pyramids; you and history itself.

I sat there imagining years past, the Pharaohs, the Nile, the once tropical jungle; all of it. I saw the civilizations come and gone, the labourers, the conquerors, the Kings and Queens. I saw the wars, smelt the spice trading routes, and heard the noises from ancient celebrations. History was putting on a show.

I saw the grave robbers, the first tourists climbing them and the archeologists and Egyptologists preserving them , I saw it all. Then as quickly as they came, they were gone, leaving just me, alone, on the plateau.

I can get used to this place.

Johnny Cairo

2008-04-30T01:59:00.000-07:00

With great excitement, I'm off to Egypt.

Living and working in Cairo for the next little while is going to an interesting adventure. I can't even imagine what nonsense will come my way. When I was there in 2002, I remember the highways were being shared with donkey's, carts, shitters and eradic drivers. This time around I expect nothing less, just as long as my suit stays clean.

I've already been informed that our driver is a man named Hamdi, and it's been said that he can get his hands on anything a 26 year old Canadian would want to get his hands on. I like this man already.

Meeting on the weekdays, Pyramids / King Tut/ and Souks on the weekends. Bring it on.

Johnny Cairo is back in town.

What these guys are up to...

2008-04-24T04:18:00.000-07:00

This guy is 31 years old.

There is lots of money here, and they are beginning to spend it very wisely. This is just one example of one company, Mubadala, here in the UAE. Dubai has a strategic plan set for 2015. Abu Dhabi has set one forth for 2030. These guys are taking planning to whole new levels.

It was recently announced that Abu Dhabi was going to build a brand new capital city accomodating around 1 million residents somewhere out in the desert. Apparently their current one isn't good enough.

I remember in Brampton when Springdale was being built and thinking wow, that's a pretty big development. Now I am immune to reacting to any projects below half a billion dollars. It simply can't impress you like these multi-billion
dollar developments creating cities twice the size of Hong Kong can.

Over last summer in Toronto I remember walking by the old hummingbird Center of Front St., and how they are builinding that unique L shaped condo on top of it. That was cool. Here in the UAE, this porject wouldn't make the paper. Sure it's shaped differently, but can all 15 floors revolve at different speeds and directions whenever the owners want them too? Is there a world's biggest swimming pool with the world's longest slide in it? Are there life like animatronic dinosaures walking around outside? Get my point?

Sure it's all flash and vanity, and with every cool idea you get a really stupid one that will go next to it; but for the moment that is not the point. It's Never NeverLand here, dreams come true and get built. It's a start in the right direction.

With a maturing market, new wants and needs will arise for sustained growth and developement. Social Services, Health Care, and Education are on the agenda and I am excited to see what the UAE wil do in terms of reaching and acheiveing these intangible ideals.

If they can build a gravity defying building one year, why not a premier academic institution, the most efficent hospital or the fastest public transportation system the next? I hear whispers of these things, but no solid concrete plans. Vanity still outshines purpose, but with a maturing market, purpose must outlast vanity. If there is any place where they have this amazing opportunity to build such things, it's here in the UAE. The relatively newness of this economy, ideas, and structure, the UAE has a chance to build a social Utopia unlike anywhere else in the world. Just imagine what a $30 billion social infrastrucutre looks like.

I have some ideas, but let's just wait and see what happens.

we don't do Office

2008-04-22T00:55:00.001-07:00

Sitting in the Office now for a whole week and a few days now, I can tell you that I am slowly getting used to it. But I am not enjoying it.

Sure, more Consultants have come back from around the globe and it’s great seeing them again as there are many stories to tell from the funny to bizarre. But sitting in one seat, computer in front of me, with no specific task to do, youtube.com and nba.com blocked (a nice proxy solves that), we begin to go stir crazy. After being out in the field, working independently on our own projects for 3 months it’s simple: We don’t do office.

Many of the consultants have already gotten a stern talking too. Too many smoke breaks; not professional. Showing up at 10:45am; not professional. Not showing enough enthusiasm; not professional. For me it was prank phoning the office Secretary; not professional, and not amusing either, by the way. I beg to differ.

So we spend our time tucked away in our little corner, screens towards the wall so no Managers can sneak up on us in the middle of our Solitaire or Tetris games. Others are on Facebook, MSN Messenger, or looking through their pictures from where they were last at. I am writing this blog.

Whatever it is we do, we do it well and with style. We just don’t do Office.

The Office

2008-04-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

The Office is a hit NBC sitcom starring Steve Carell and John Krasinski loosely based on the BBC hit sitcom with the same name.

The Office is also, however, a place somewhere in Northern Belgium where most decisions concerning our company are made. It is not as fun as the tv show.

Here my partner Bas and myself sit through Evaluations, Role-Plays and games of Tetris. Whatever we must do to get by, we do. The likes of us are not Office type people. We despise them. Out in the field our Office is where our meetings take us: Hotel Lobbies, Conferences, plush decked out rooms where CEO's and Chairmen sit behind their giant desks and blabble on and on about nothing in particular. We are forever moving, never still in one place for too long. Sitting here in the office now for two days we are ready to lose it. Seats simply don't suit me, and I don't know how much longer we can last.

Till then, Tetris will do.

Tuesday

2008-04-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Today at 10am my partner Bas and I arrived at the CEO's office of Tamweel, the UAE largest Sharia'a compliant home financing institution. He was stuck in court filing papers for some reason or another, so we had a cup of coffee and discussed the growth of Dubai, Sukuks, and the first Amex Sharia'a complaint credit card from Saudi with the Marketing Manager Mr. Nabil. Interesting.

After having a chicken sandwich and double apple shisha from a great local spot, we decided to head for Dubai's Convention Center. Dubai is wanting to become the number 1 spot for Conventions in the world, and already they have multiple exhibitions and conferences daily.

Today we checked out DIHAD, Dubai International Humanitarian Aid and Development Show. Being the first day in the three day event, half of the floor showroom (3 giant halls were used so it was pretty big) had booths for all the different aid organizations from all over the world; UNICEF, UN Food Program, NGO's, Development Banks, etc. The second half of the room looked more like a car showroom, with Ford' LandRovers, Toyota's 4WD, and other Armoured vehicles and accessories like bullet proof glass and anti-mine vehicles. It seemed like an odd fit, so I just had to ask.

The answer was simple, this 50/50 mix of booths of aid organizations and vehicle logistics was no coincidence. Turns out, "50% of all expenses related to relief efforts are transportation costs", the LandRover guy explained. "You can have the best Doctors, the best medicines in the world, but if you can't reach the people that need it, none of it matters."

From deep into the jungles of Colombia, to high passes in Nepal to the vast deserts of Sudan, you need proper vehicles that will work in any and all conditions hands down. People need help and you need to get it to them, fast. It's all about shorting and quickening the supply chain..

Looking at Humanitarian Aid as a transportation and fleet issue is something both new and interesting. Bringing cheaper, more reliant and economical vehicles to these international organizations means less money spent on metal and more money spent on medicine.

Sure Supply Chain Management sounds cool, but who would have thought it would actaully be cool?

the next step

2008-04-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

For some reason or another I can't get into a good writing rhythm and mood. I want to dance but I can't find my shoes, I want to sing but I can't keep a note, and I want to practice but I don't know what instrument I want to play.

I've written many blogs that I simply don't want to publish quite yet because I feel the themes I am touching upon are, at the moment, just beyond my own comprehension. Being here in the Middle East, where cultures are clashing daily, the experience of this new geo-political landscape is incredible and quite profound; I'm not not too sure of what to do with it. I am trying to keep a sensibleness to the story, and for that I cannot risk posting an item that doesn’t give it's topic due justice. You don't want to short change the story or it's subjects; they are worth too much for that kind of carelessness.

I hope that I can bring and convey due justice with due course. And due course will only come with due diligence; ie. I keep trying. And I am.

Taking it all in is the easy and fun part, but to regurgitate it all back out into words on paper in such a way that pleases both myself and the delicateness of the subject is a difficult task indeed. Maybe the words will flow out easier when I come back home, or when I’m am up in the mountains of Colombia, or when I'm sitting in the back corner of a Coffee Shop in Amsterdam. Creativity is all around me, I am just looking for a very fine and specific strain. But I am looking.

When I find it you'll be the first to know.

Windows Down

2008-04-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Today it reached 38C. It was hot. Driving around with the windows up and the A/C on full blast, you forget that back home it's cold, it's rainy, it's dark. Here in Dubai each day is like a broken record; getting hotter with each spin. I haven't seen rain in close to 3 months.

So driving back home from a meeting at around 5pm, I thought of all you guys back home. I rolled down all windows, cranked up the music, and turned off the A/C. That drive was for you all.

The thing though, is that it lasted a mear 2 minutes. The truck in front of me was spewing out black soot smoke, sand was getting all over in the car, the noises of construction outside was abnoxious and it was still too bloody hot.

But hey, at least I'm thinking of yas!

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder

2008-03-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

How can there be beauty in these creatures? Maybe grazing in the desert in a sunset photo. I'll concede that. But this?

Pictures

2008-03-29T03:58:00.001-07:00

Snap

I'm getting hounded for pictures.

These last couple of days were picture-uploading-a-thon days. Uploading 5 at a time all night long is tiresome, but there is story to tell within them.

They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. But then what does being there, in that specific point in time, equate too? I'm not sure yet, but one day I hope to have it figured out, written down, and open for discussion. For now this late night attempt will have to do.

You see it's not just the sights. It's the sounds, the smells, the sensations. It's the feel of the familiarity yet complete exoticness of human beings, our nature, and our land. It's the smiles, the tastes, and the shapes of the clouds. It's having a glass vase made up of pre-conceived notions with your conscious held tightly inside, and having it smashed to little bits all over the floor. You can never put it back together again; nor would you ever want to.

Click

It's the growth of Lateral Knowledge. Robert Pirsig explains; "To describe a growth of knowledge that doesn't move forward like an arrow in flight, but expands sideways.....Lateral knowledge is knowledge that's from a wholly unexpected direction, from a direction that's not even understood as a direction until the knowledge forces itself upon you" This is happening all around me.

It's now truly seeing the beauty, and dare I say the sexiness, behind the Burqa that the women wear, and at the same time knowing that designer jeans are worn underneath and fancy diamond studded watches and jewelry all lay overtop the mystical black cloth. Learning and then seeing this is absolutely fascinating. There are deeper stories at work within each picture; stories of culture, stories of tradition, stories of where they came from and why. Nobody will ever know the half of it; there is just too much to understand. But that’s what keeps people like me going; growing.

One day I will attempt to put this giant jigsaw puzzle together, but for now I am satisfied by clicking and capturing that slice of time that only a camera can catch. The explanations can come later. You first must collect all the pieces of the puzzle before you can begin to assemble the entire picture. You start with the border, and then slowly begin to fill it in with persistence and care.

Hold on the flash is not on

For the most part pictures will only be remembered by the camera itself. But the proof, the evidence that that moment in time somewhere across the world was once alive, will always be there. It’s a slice of life that becomes frozen in time for all of history. That is why I take pictures, and that is why I think most of you will take the time to look at them. Sooner or later everyone stares into the camera for the history books. It’s raw, it’s vivid, it’s true. You may only get one chance but when it comes, you better be smiling.

Say Cheese!

The Culture of Licence Plates

2008-03-20T02:26:00.000-07:00

If you are an Emirati it's simple: you have too much money and for the most part, you don't know what to do with it. With Oil reaching upwards to $110 a barrel, this trend will continue for some time to come

So what happens when an excess of money hits a culture that 50 years ago lived in tribes and tents along the Gulf and in the desert? Simple: they take advantage of it - Big Time.

Putting aside the mega projects, the absurd growth in every industry, and rapid expansion which the likes has never been seen before in history, little cultural oddities arise that make the visitor shake their heads and have a little chuckle.

The culture of license plates is indeed perhaps one of the best examples of this. In a time when cars no longer matter as everyone who is anyone already drives the Hummers, Bentleys, Rolls Royces, Lambos and Ferraris a new status symbol has surpassed that of cars themselves. Your license plate number now represents not only how much money you have, but how powerful you are.

You see so many expensive and luxurious cars that you become numb to it all. I now immediately look at their license plate to give them any real 'street cred'. A drop top Mercedes AMG 450 is nice to look at. An Audi R8 with the license plate number of 10 tells you that this guy is the shit. A custom silver bullet colour Hummer is behind you, you move out of the way. A slick black Maserati is behind you with the number plate of 2222, you get out of it's way and move 2 lanes over.

I've even seen a Porshe with 212 drive up next to a red Lambo trying to show off it's 43812. The battle on the roads was won instantaneously, as the Lambo backed down and let the Porsche speed up ahead of him.

The muscle of this culture is money, and the proof of this was best flexed a month ago with a public auction in Abu Dhabi for well-to-do numbered license plates, for well to do Emiratis. The license plate 1 went for over $14 million US. This was for a license plate people. Other hot numbers were 11, 17, 22, 88, and 101.... - get the point? All proceeds of this auction went to charity to help road accident victims, but it still is an awful lot of money.

Although I can witness the culture, I have so status in the echelons of this high society. I'm jus glad my Nissan Tida with 587684 has air conditioning.

a week of meetings and meeting people

2008-03-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

This week has been busy.

On Sunday we had a meeting with the Managing Director of Landmark Properties, a brokerage house for various kinds of properties within Dubai. He was an American from New York, and he shared some great local knowledge on the inner workings of the property market within Dubai. That's the great thing about this job - you hear from the guys that are making this all happen. The stories are real, and they tell you what the newspapers and year-end reports don't.

On Monday we met with the Director of the Land Department of the Government of Dubai. This entity controls all the land and sea in Dubai. It's assets are over a trillion dollars, easily.

Tuesday we met with the Director of Inward trade at the DTCM - the Dubai Tourism Authority. Over cigarettes he showed us pictures of his villa on the Palm Jumeira, a sea side mansion valued at over US$4 million. He also talked about certain initiatives his authority is doing to attract not only leisurely tourists into Dubai, but tourism investors (Six Flags, Universal Studios, Dreamworks are all here) healthcare tourism (set up state of the art hospitals/surgery clinics – people from all over the world will come just for that) and sporting events among many others.. Interesting and cool guy he was.

Wednesday and tomorrow will be spent driving from office building to office building, meeting new people and arranging meeting for next week. It takes a lot of effort to arrange meetings with CEO's and Chairman's. And one day I'll tell you the story. For now, this is all I do in my spare time, and recounting here through type makes me feel like I am still at work.

The work day has to stop somewhere, doesn't it?

Chuck Norris

2008-03-10T09:45:00.000-07:00

My favorite is the first one.

coup de l'argent

2008-03-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

No electricity, no phones, no TV. No iPod's, no fridges, no freezers and no cookoo clocks . No Internet, no radio, no bedrooms. No big homes, no fancy cars, no flashy clothes.

Inflation, exchange rates, and financial markets mean nothing to them. Why should it?

We came across these Bedouins on Sealine beach, an hour south of Doha, in Qatar. It's a place where the paved road literally just stops into a vast duning desert. You must go by 4x4, camel or by foot to reach any further. We saw them and their camels and were immediately drawn into their company. We talked through our smiles; communicated through our laughs. I showed them some magic tricks, they made us fresh mint tea. It doesn't get any better than that.

The illusion and transparency of what money really is, does and represents reveals itself clearly through these people. It's all a material mirage.

A mirage, by the way, is something these men do know of.

teleportation

2008-03-02T01:34:00.000-08:00

Who says you can't be in 2 places at the same time? Fraze and I have successfully mastered the physics and art of teleportation. We are still, however, working on the glitch of figuring out why we came out with breasts; although I know Fraze didn't mind....

Woah that party was crazy!

Qatar

2008-02-27T11:12:00.000-08:00

If you asked me a year ago about Qatar I don't know how much I would have answered; if at all. I wouldn't have been able to name you it's capital, let alone point it out on the map. I probably would have asked back, "what's katar?", showing my ignorance.

Tomorrow at 5:50pm, leaving from Sharjah Airport on Air Arabia, I arrive into Doha, Qatar for a weekend of Arabian madness.

Qatar has crazy fever too by the way - these concepts are all over the Middle East - not just in Dubai.

2008-02-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

Here I am making phone calls under one of the many signs that can be found around Dubai of both His Highness Sheikh Mohammad bin Rashid Al Maktoum and His Highness Sheikh Khalifa bin Zayed Al Nahyan

A day spent at Bab Al Shams, a 5 star luxury Resort in the middle of the desert.

Day trip to the ragged mountains on the East Coast of Al Fujerah. About 50 km south lies Oman.
------------------------------

Work/Live/Play

The trick is finding a job where these words, these definitions, these lines become blurry. Make no illusions, I am still looking for this lifestyle, this way of life - but I'm on it and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

2008-02-22T10:02:00.000-08:00

Lost in Translation

2008-02-19T10:04:00.001-08:00

There are two sides to every story, every action, every mannerism. Nothing proves this better then when you are a stranger and visit other cultures and customs.

Today this happened to me:

I was waiting on the 14th floor of the DIFC (Dubai International Financial Center) building, one of the coolest looking buildings off of Sheikh Zayed Road. I had to meet with the head of Communications as I wanted to secure a meeting with Dr. Omar bin Sulaiman, the Director General of the Center. The Dubai Stock Market and International Investment Guidelines are controlled by this man; and I want to meet him. But first I had to go through Ms. Asma Al Qassimi. Out came her partner ahead of her, a man named Mr. Aziz dressed fully in his bisht and I shook his hand firmly. Behind him came Ms. Asma, dressed in her beautiful abaya and being a Westerner, saying hello means you immediately put out your hand to shake theirs as a sign of respect. But not here.

Here in the Arab world, women are often looked as inferior, and as times are a-changing, many still conform to their local traditions. A male simply does not shake the hands of a female; unless she puts her hand out first. She didn't. So I didn't.

Mr. Aziz left after 10 seconds and I was left to meet and talk with Ms. Asma. Now here is where we may be both Lost in Translation. She saw me shake hands with the man. But I didn't put my hand out to her. Even though I know that she may not feel right to shake my hand, I still had that gutting feeling that I 'disrespected' her in someway or another. I want to show her respect, and in our culture we shake hands with everyone - it's a simple sign of acknowledgement. Even though she won’t take it this way, I still feel like I didn't acknowledge her presence like I did with Mr Aziz. Will this affect my getting a meeting with Dr. Omar? Did she even notice, did she even care? If I did this to a Western girl she would probably think I was a pompous idiot. I talked with her for about 5 minutes and then we both went on our separate ways.

This event has left a mark in my mind and I was left feeling confused, saddened, and proud. Confused as to wondering what she though of the whole situation, if anything. Saddened by the fact that many Arab women feel inferior to men. But strangely proud that I had recognized the situation before I made a fool of myself and offering an empty hand shake to which she would have just stared at leaving me hanging, and her motioning to the couch.

This happens all over the world everyday.

Indians with their head wobble. Yes, No, Of course - they are all represented by the head wobble. No up and down for yes; no side-to-side with no - just a simple head wobble. I remember thinking that there must be one univsersal sign for 'Yes', but no there isn't.

"Is this the right bus to Delhi?", i asked the driver.
Head wobble was his answer.
It took a few frustrated minutes to figure out that he was really saying yes. Over 2 Billion across India, Pakistan and Bangladesh know this. I do now too.

Thai's accepting and handing back money/change with both hands. It's sacred and important to them, so they hold and hand it over to you like it's precious. Imagine what they think when we grab it without any such care or attention and stuff it back in our pocket. Little actions like this effect the way people think and feel about Westerns. It's jst lost in translation.

An Australian telling you 'that's just not cricket' tells not only of a famous history lesson within Cricket's (the game) culture, but is implying that things just aren't right or gentlemanly.

Sitting on the floor (there are no seats here) of a Buddhist Temple in Laos, you must point you feet away from the Buddha at all times. Your feet are the lowest, therefor dirtiest part of your body. How dare you point them at their God. Cross-legged is the only acceptable way to go.

Waving one hand up, palm towards you, all fingers and thumb touching mean a Fuck Off back home in North America. Here in the UAE when it happens, and it happens a lot mean 'patience'.

And then one of my favorites, I still haven't figured out what it means, but I find it hilariously weird: The Vietnamese and the mole hairs. Picture a decent sized mole on the face of a Vietnamese male - a mole that elevates of the skin, ya know. Now imagine one hair and one hair alone (inch and a half long), left untouched by scissors/razors/ and other plucking devices for years, sprouting out right in the center of the mole. Now I'm not sure if it's a status symbol or what, but many of these dudes rock this look like it's coolest thing to come along since chop sticks.

I'm not too sure, but what I hope is that somewhere down the line, it is all just a simple lost in translation.

The Weekend in Pictures

2008-02-17T10:35:00.000-08:00

The Burj Al Arab at night

With Daisy in from Abu Dhabi and Oni in from Qatar we hit up the Emirate of Ras al-Kaimah and the Arabian coastline

The Mountains in the background will be our next challenge....they will be hiked.

Sand Dunes are fun

Heat and His Highness

2008-02-13T12:05:00.001-08:00

It has been cool here weather wise over the past 3 weeks, but try as you might you cannot hide from the Middle East Sun for too long. It is on the look out and I think it has already found us. If you ask the Emiratis, the Indians, or the Philippinos here, they will tell you it's still in hiding (20% of population here are nationals, 50% are Indian or Philippino). But for a white Canadian boy and an even whiter Dutchman, it's hot town summer in the city.

The sun is bright and it's strong. This can't be the same sun that we see up in Canada - this one has a more sinister smile on it. But still the rest of the population is assuring me that this is nothing.

It was 28C today and I say 'that is hot'.

'Try 50C for 3 months, that's hot!', and they are right. They know what hot is.

I am curious but aleady know I want nothing to do with 50C temperatures. It's just not cricket, if you know what I mean. I've been in 45C temperates in the Outback of Oz, and it was too hot to even watch TV. I know that doesn't make much sense, but sense evaporates and dissapears along with everything else at these heats. Nothing is left of you except the dripping of sweat from every pore of your body. Occasionaly you will have enough energy to mutter out something relating to the heat, but that helps no spirits. It just makes the feeling worse.

And now for something completely different.

Today His Highness Sheikh Mohammed bin Khalifa Al Maktoum said 'Salam' to me today. Cool.

Tomorrow we have a meeting with the Chairman of Dubai World Central - some next Mega project that I'm sure he'll say is great but I may think it's stupid. It's getting like this eh.

But with the work week being from Sunday - Thursday here in the Middle East, our weekend begins tomorrow night, and I've got a date. Let the weekend begin!

Lost Key

2008-02-10T11:26:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you come home from a long day of work, feeling so tired and exhausted that all you want to do is go to bed but then find out that you lost your apartment key god knows where in this city of desert, dreams, and tall ass buildings?

You call on some Indians who drill and hammer the shit out of your door until it opens.

2008-02-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

"a variety of nothing is better than a monotony of something"
- Jean Paul Richter

Dubai Desert Classic 2008

2008-02-06T06:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been to an event, whether it be a conference, sporting game or concert and you spot some guys your age right up there at the front. And not at the front where others are, but at the front where only people in expensive suits or people with large cameras get to roam around? You think to yourself, 'who are they and what do they do?'. Over the weekend my partner Bas and I, we were those guys.

Scoring VIP Press Passes for the Dubai Desert Classic, we roamed around freely watching Tiger, Ernie and Sergio rip up the course. When we were hungry we went in the pressroom and ate buffet meals. After the rounds we were their watching in the interview rooms as the players had their little Q and A time with the 'real' press. We were on the fringe when Tiger sunk his winning put on the 18th, standing beside the tournament Director and Tiger's own commissioned photographer. And we were on the green right beside Tiger and Dubai's Crown Prince when he was presented the trophy and his paycheck of a cool halve a million (he got paid $7 million just to show up).

I mention how we were around 'real' press; as I am not really in press at all. But I can fake it. You can too. This is how:

All major tournaments, on their websites will have a Press Accreditation Page. Click on it. Fill it out. Viola, surprisingly it was that easy.

Spend some time on fake business cards, and/or laminate a Fake Press Card from some made up company; 'UK Media' will do. It may seem like some effort - but hey, free VIP Passes into huge events are a great time.

If there is no registration link, e-mail/phone the sponsor, tell them who you are, and that you are looking to cover the event for 'UK Media'. Have a story on who you are and what you are doing in that city in the first place - it all makes it more credible. Your passes will be waiting for you on site. Golf/Tennis Tournaments, Concerts, Important/Interesting Conferences, you name it - we are doing it.

It's a cool little trick - trust me.

See who knew that reading these stupid little stories can bring you some good, hey?

From the Khaleej Times

2008-01-31T07:14:00.000-08:00

A story from the other side of the world.

My Job today

2008-01-29T10:44:00.000-08:00

Here's an idea of what I got up to:

Woke up at 7:02am. I never enter 7 exactly into my alarm - those 2 extra minutes somehow mean the world to me.

Without eating breakfast and driving away while leaving my unopened Red Bull can on the roof of our car, my Partner Bas (A Dutchmen)and I were due 1.5 hours west arriving into the Capitol of the UAE - Abu Dhabi. I will tell you one day the wierd things I see on the side of roads. I really have no energy to capture your imaginations right now with the incredibly bizarre.

We arrived at downtown around 9 am and reviewed our notes over some coffee. We had 2 big meetings today with some very interesting people.

Meeting #1 - Mr. Masood Al-Awar, Executive Director, Sales and Marketing of Sorouh
This company is 2 years old. Look at what they are building. They are worth over $6.5 billion. Holy Shit. Mr. Al-Awar will only sit facing South East. He is really into Feng Shui. We also found out that he was the Emerati Champion in Snooker. This guy now develops these iconic projects. How'd he do it? I'd ask him who he knows and look into his last name.

After our morning meeting discussing the Mega-Projects being built in Abu Dhabi vs. Dubai, we head for lunch at an outdoor Cafe downtown. On the streets in the sun it's hot, but in the shade it made us keep our suit jackets on.

Meeting #2 - Chairman of Pearl Dubai Mr. Abdul Majeed Al Fahim
This property development project is in a class all it's own. Among other things, we talked about the Haffa mountains in Oman and Niagara Falls. His Lebonese advisor had a love for Amsterdam and nicotine gum. Oh yeah - the Dubai Pearl - crazy project.

After this meeting, we made some more calls and drove our tired selves home, again watching and experiencing things that just make no apparent sense to the newly arrived Westerners.

Wander, another co-worker, and myself took a good jog around International Village where we live, while Kuljit, another partner cooked a spicy curry rice. It's my turn to cook tomorrow.

Off to bed. Another busy day tomorrow. I get my UAE Drivers Liscence, get to pick up my free passes to the PGA tournament here this weekend (Woo Hoo!) and another meeting with another ridiculous development project.

Lots of love

Switzer

Perspectives

2008-01-23T10:01:00.000-08:00

It's all about perspectives. Very rarely do people get or take the chance to see the story from the other perspective. The accumulation of all your surroundings, what you've heard, what you've learnt, and what you've been told all mold your vision of the world. Your ideas of what is right, what is wrong, what is just, and what is evil all come from the same ingredients - the environment in which we live in.

Stepping outside that environment, you begin to see how much your ideas, your values, your definition on good vs bad, right vs wrong are put to the test. We see our thoughts become an accumulation of the subjective. And we are all creatures of habit. We find something that works, and stick with it.

I am struggling to find my own ideas of objectivity, wondering if they even exist at all. I'm using a map with no roads, no directions, no legend. But if you don't know where you are going, any way will take you there.

I remember the first time I thought of all this nonsense. Bits and pieces of it were filtering through my mind, but I was never able to put it together into some sort of semi-focused idea.

It happened my first day in Kuala Lumpur, Malayasia over a year and a half ago. I've always remembered a joke Jerry Sienfeld would tell, about the Chinese and their use of chopsticks:

I'll tell you what I like about Chinese people. They're hanging in there with the chopsticks, aren't they? You know they've seen the fork. They're staying with the sticks. I don't know how they missed it. Chinese farmer gets up, works in the field with a shovel all day. Shovel. Spoon. Come on. You're not plowing 40 acres with a couple of pool cues!

First time I heard this I thought it was funny, but interestingly true - Why do they continue using chopsticks? Forks are so much easier, aren't they?

But then eating my vege curry in this Indian restaurant, I noticed there was no cutlery. No chopsticks even. Everyone was using their hands, eating the rice and veges off their banana leaf plate. I thought this was bizarre and messy - but I did it anyways. When in Rome....

By the time my next serving came around, you get the hang of it. Seinfeld's joke came to mind right away and these thoughts began to pour in. Here we are joking about the Chinese and their chopsticks. Yet I'm sure their are plenty of people who laugh at us Westerner's for using cutlery.

'But they have perfectly good hands' Jerrydeep Seinfeldpor is telling a crowd, somewhere in Bombay at this very moment.

It's all about perspective.

Rain in the Middle East

2008-01-22T12:00:00.000-08:00

It rained one day here in the UAE and the water is everywhere. Roads are closed and parking lots are pools. The wierd thing is, however, is that it rained a week ago now. The water is still here.

Interestingly enough, the parking lots, streets and roads have no drainages here. It doesn't rain in UAE the Emirates will tell you; there is no need for drains. Usually it's so hot that all the water stays trapped as moisture in the air.

An even more bizzare story is that there was snow out near Abu Dhabi, the capitol of the UAE, in the mountains. Snow in the Middle East - first time in 100 years the news says.

Today I finally bought a baskeball so I can play on the courts outside my apartment. Shooting hoops is a great outlet, and I've already met some other players. I'm living in the Morrocan Building here in International Village. The best games I am told are down near the Russian buildings. I will check em out tomorrow.

Speaking of International Vilage, this reminds me of The World Project. It was completed just a few days ago. It's nuts.

Made it

2008-01-20T11:48:00.000-08:00

After a 2 hour wait in the plane on the ground in Brussels, we finally took off way behind schedule to London's Heathrow Airport. Another hour waiting on the tarmac until we were able to disembark, pretty much assured the 4 of us that we were going to miss our connecting flight to Dubai. After 2 more hours in line-ups and taxis, we arrived at Heathrow's Radisson Hotel for a night stay, on British Airlines expense none the less.

We checked in at around midnight, and by 4 in the morning, we managed to find nearly all the other disgruntled BA passengers who've been put up for the night in the hotel because of their missed connections as well.

One lady will now miss her best friends wedding, another girl will miss 2 days on her 5 day vacation to Singapore, and for us, well for us it means that we arrive, now arrived, at 8am on Sunday morning - the beginning of the work week here in the Emirates. Great.

But we are here, and we have started our project. By 3pm we found ourselves in an Exposition on the Project Developments that are going on now here in Dubai. I found myself shaking hands and exchanging business cards with Millioneers, if not Billioners, while media cameras were snapping away. Fuck off these Sheikhs have gone mad. It's truly amazing what they are doing, and one of my next posts will be focused on the crazy things they are building and planning to build here.

But now I am dead tired, and I need my sleep.

Dubai

2008-01-08T02:30:00.000-08:00

One of my goals has always been to work in the Middle East.

A few minutes ago, I was just told that my next project will be in Dubai.

I leave next week.

Can you beleive this shit?

To Begin

2008-01-07T12:59:00.000-08:00

Excitement is in the air. It's a potpourri of people and their stories here in Belgium at the Head Office. Everyone is hear for a few days before heading back out into the field. Dutchmen in the Bahamas, Americans in Columbia, Germans in Abu Dhabi and a UK'er in Dubai. These are my type of people, this is my type of scene.

I am reading Kevin Sites' book 'The Hot Zone' and a paragraph caught my eye, which sums up our excitement.

"there is a duality at work here that is hard for me to comprehend. I am enticed by the geographic disjuncture of my journey, the shock of sensory overload, the new smells, structures and lives that wash over me on these drives. Simultaneously, I am lulled by the comfort of it all; the fact that there is too much to understand. Instead of a reporter, for this moment, I am a dog with my head out the window, the rush of air creating a comforting buzz that silences the need to know more - at least for now."

Happy New Year Everyone, and I hope that you all get to stick their heads out of the window and enjoy the ride.

Around we go

2007-12-10T15:09:00.000-08:00

This is a brief Essay on the benefits of Roundabouts. It may not make any sense, but making sense is not my goal today.

Traffic congestion is perhaps one of the most vexing problems a commuting
society deals with. From Public Transport to properly built highway systems, there are many solutions to the never ending problem. But sometimes, the simplest solution has the greatest effect. In comes in the form of a Roundabout. The Roundabout has helped solve mans greatest quest in taming traffic. It won't defeat Al-Qaeda, but it is awfully fun to drive around and around and around and around.....

Man worldwide, except us North Americans, have reaped the benefits of the Roundabout since the age of time. With no need to stop, traffic flows freely and effortlessly around the Roundabout to it's desired next road. No electricity is used for traffic lights; just simple functionality of the ever popular circle.

For those looking for adventure, the Roundabout offers a thrilling ride. See how many loop-de-loops you can do without getting you or your passenger dizzy! Go really fastand see if your car can handle the sharp, constant turn.

Those extreme showman can try this: Run around a baseball bat 10 times with your
forehead on the handle while the end barrel never leaves the ground. Shot gun a beer, jump in your car and drive in the Roundabout 10 times as fast as you can. Pick the first exit, drive down it at top speed for 30m. Jump out of car and do 5 jumping Jacks while singing your favorite Madonna song. You will now know what it feels like to be alive.

All for Roundabouts, say 'Aye'

AYE!

Old Gold and Coke please

2007-12-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

What a week.

Nicole and I ran around the country going from meeting to meeting (trying to locate buildings and offices in a country without street signs is an interesting chore) talking with the biggest CEO's, General Directors and Marketing Managers on the island. This week was busy as hell.

Picture us driving around the island, not completely sure where we are going,
Nicole is on the phone getting directions whilst driving; I am on the computer going over my Interview notes and reviewing our strategy aloud with Nic. My tie is done up all the way, and it's hot as shit outside. We arrive at the place and it's go time.

Change of Pace

It can get hectic, but the Bajan rum and cool nights puts everything back to ease.
Last night I met up with an old University friend, Theresa and her boyfriend Chris. Through them, I ran into many other Bajans that I had met my previous time here when I visited Theresa and her cousin Jaime some 5 years ago. It was great fun running into them all, and brought back a lot of memories.

By 4am, it was time to leave the bar. Not because it was closing time, but because I could no longer function.

Harbour Lights is perhaps one of the best bars in the world, mixing an old Colonial House on a beach to the sweetest Caribbean music your ears will ever open up to. I felt like arse in the morning, but it was worth every sip!

Old Gold and Coke, I like you.

Earthquake

2007-12-02T18:14:00.000-08:00

Thursday afternoon there was a 7.4 Earthquake here in the Caribbean off the
coast of St. Martinique. It was the most fucked up thing I have ever
felt. Everything was rocking back and forth: the cars, the ground, the
buildings.

I had just come in from the sun and sat down on my
couch. I was thinking, damn, I must have gotten a lot of sun as I felt
that the whole room began to sway back and forth. But then i was like,wtf, everything really is swaying - I ran outside and saw the parked cars swaying, the buildings
swaying, and people running out of the buildings looking around
confused as ever. I felt like a was surfing the ground, trying to stay
up.

Stories were shared all that night and the next, on where
they were when it all happened. Some told of being at the beach, where
the waves got bigger and where locals jumped on the roofs of buildings
looking out for a tsunami. One lady was interviewed and though someone
was kicking her chair. One man said he felt drunk, and in his own words
he finishes "but I knew me never had one drink yet, me drink nothing".

In all, we had 2 minutes of tremors, and it was an unbelievable feeling. Luckily there was very little damage here, and no one was hurt. It actually turned out to be kind of interesting and neat in some bizarre way.

For some reason the ACDC's song came on into my head later that night, and has been with me for the past few days: 'you shook me all night long'

At least that song is better than Hanson's MMM Bop. I'm just surprised it took an earthquake to get that stupid song out of my head.

Suit and Tie

2007-11-28T14:02:00.000-08:00

This past week down here in Barbados has been an exciting and interesting one for sure.

The weekend was spent as a proper weekend should: hitting the beach during the day and hitting the bars even harder at night. Welcome to Barbados!!!

But by Monday morning, I found myself dressed in suit and tie sweating my Canadian ass off, wondering why I find myself looking like this as we walk by tourists and locals with their shirts off having a drink from a fresh coconut. Whose the sucker? I am. Dammit. The weekends better make up for it!

The week has gone by well. 2 meetings, 2 contracts signed. I am batting 100.

But left that, I am not here to bat 100. I am here to learn, to gain experience, and to have some fun. I get to go swimming on my lunches, and have my runs along the beach. If I can make money here too by wearing a tie and a dark suit for 8 hours of the day, so be it. I'll suck it up and soak it all in.

Besides, one sip of Bajan Rum and coke makes me think I'm a tourist all over again, and that is what it's all about.

We are off!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-11-21T05:27:00.000-08:00

The 6 of us trainees all passed the first week and a half of intensive training.

We all just found out where we will be going for our in-field training:

Two of the Dutch (Joris and Daisy) are heading to Abu Dhabi

Wander, a Dutchman as well, is going to The Bahamas

Justin, an American is off to Latvia. Where the fuck is Latvia? Justin still doesn't even know.

Oni, another American is off to Qatar.

And for myself - BARBADOS BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last time I checked, which was just now, the sun was shining and it was 30 C.

Holla

Belgium

2007-11-14T09:36:00.000-08:00

As most of you know by know, I have somehow found myself in a sleepy little town called Overpelt in Belgium. However I find myself getting very little sleep here.

I am currently in training here as a International Media Sales Consultant working for a company called Media Plus. International Media Sales Consultant. What does that exactly mean? I'm not too sure yet either, but it sounds interesting, eh?

I'll talk more about our intense training and more about the job another time. I am completely exhausted from it all right now.

What puts me in a good mood is this: I am 2 hours away from Paris, 1 hour away from Amsterdam, Brussels and Antwerp, 4 minutes walking distance into Germany and miles away from Brampton.

But don't get the wrong idea. After being home for the past 6 months and then coming back abroad, I've realized what an amazing family and group of friends I'm lucky enough to have. Already I miss you all more now then I ever did during my previous tour.

I will be back home soon enough no doubt, but for now I must get back to work.

I'll be in touch,

Switzer

Can the ZIG ZAG man be beat?

2007-10-16T11:07:00.000-07:00

Last year for Halloween, myself and my Vancity friend Jordan found ourselves in a wierd little town called Vang Vieng in Laos. We heard of whispers and rumors from other backpackers of a Toga party happening down at one of the make-shift bars the locals had set up down by the river. We promptly finished our opium tea, felt woozy, and made it back to our hostel. Using the few resources we had, we both took off our bed sheets that was protecting our skin from the extremely dirty South East Asian mattress. Using safetly pins, we carefully wrapped our sheets around us, doing so what so many of us have done before - turning plain white sheets into togas fit for Gods.

We downed a few more beers, wrote 'Zeus' and 'Hercules' on our arms with markers, and walked to the bar. Beers and opium tea are not the greatest mix. Walking into a bar with Toga costumes on and having everyone turn around and stare at you is not that fun either. Add them two up, you've got a pretty weird situation.

No, there was no Toga party, and they had no clue what in the world we were talking about. Add the fact that only Americans and Canadians celebrate Halloween, many normal Brits, Germans, Aussies and French people thought we were absolutely nuts.

Simply put, Halloween overseas simply isn't that fun.

Over the years, I'd like to think I've had some good costumes. The ZIG ZAG man will always be my favorite. The Gatsby House going as the Wizard of Oz was just classic. And by 130am that night, having the Tin Man taking off his head piece and using it to funnel his beer in the middle of the dance floor is just classy. This year I must live up to expectations.

I have my idea, and have bought the necessary equipment, tools ans supplies to pull off another great costume. It's timely, current, and fits right into our pop-cultured heads. It's funny too.

You'll just have to wait for the pictures from Halloween. But until then, good luck with yours!

Indian Airports

2007-08-16T23:21:00.000-07:00

My first experience with Indian airports was in Bangalore, where I landed from Singapore at a sobering 3 am. My flight to Bombay left at 9am, so I had a few hours to kill.

At first I felt like I was in some 1970 Mexican movie set, minus the Mexicans and add twice as many Indians. These Indians were yelling, acting wildly, and waving their arms franticly in the air. Welcome to India.

After navigating my way from Bangalore's International Airport (which is the same size as a large Tim Hortons) to the Domestic Airport across the street, I slept for 4 hours on the cold, hard dirty floor. I was scared I was going to miss my flight, so I stared at the flight leaving moniters intently. These moniters, by the way, were simply an old TV hooked up to some computer somewhere where MicroSoft Excell was hard at work. When a plane landed or took off, you would see the mouse come onto the screen and delete that row of cells, literally. High tech stuff they have going on in Bangalore.

Air India - one of the major airlines in India - I would not recommend. My seat had a few crumbs of Roti and long nasty looking dark hairs on it prior to flying to Delhi. I would recommend Spice Jet, as this discount airliner is cheap, and at least you will be prepared for the crumbs and random hairs.

My Dad doesn't like the Bombay airport. He was deported 30 minutes after landing and had to fly back to Franfurt. Note to all: you need a visa prior to entering India.

To enter any airport, you must first have your bags screened and your ticket/passport scrutinized by these old army guys that have mustaches that were impressive 50 years ago. After they deem you privaledge to enter the building, you must make sure you have a sticker on all your bags as this allows you to proceed to the next step. In total, there are about 14 steps, in no logical order, before you are finally allowed to baord the plane. I had to do and re-do and re-do again steps 2 to 6 because I never paid attention to make sure I got that all important sticker from step 1.

If you want to get an idea into the Indian psyche, watch them try to get off a landed airplane. I'll save the punchline for those that actually will get a chance to do so.

One final memory of these bizarre micro-cosms places of India. There is no such thing as line ups. Use your elbows as a weapon and your oversized backpack with cheap Indian goods as a shield.

June 30th

2007-06-30T16:45:00.000-07:00

I've been working at East Side Mario's now for 5 weeks. Mon - Fri from 4pm till close, I am your bartender. What can I get you?

But already the novelty of this new job is wearing thin. I'm tired of clearing dirty plates and laughing at customers' stupid jokes, and tired of counting beer bottles for inventory and being on my feet for 9 hours a day. In short, I'm tired of the restaurant industry.

But bills need to be paid and money needs to be saved, and this is the best way I can figure out how to do it, legally.

The 'real world' job hunt will begin on Monday. E-mail's with my new and improved resume attached to it will pop up to unsuspecting HR people in Singapore, Hong Kong, Dubai and London. I hope to hear from them soon.

And that's it. Tonight I'm going to watch Ocean's 13 with my Mom. Maybe George Clooney and pals can inspire and teach me that clearing plates and pouring beers really is a worth while occupation. Or at least they'll teach me how to rob a casino.

Jaw Dropping

2007-06-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

I should go into more detail about my last post - but I just don't have the time now.

But what is worth talking about right now, is the fantastic documentary by the BBC simply entitled - Planet Earth. It's the most ambitious project ever commissioned by the BBC, and took over 4 years to put together.

Wow.

What the Matrix did for special effects in movies, Planet Earth is re-shaping the way we, the viewer, can watch a documentary. From extremely slow-motion camera techniques, time lapse photography, and some of the most interesting camera angles mounted over herding elephants, the Amazon Rainforest, and Antarctica, this is one documentary that all must watch.

I just saw the first episode in the series of 11. I am going to buy the box set online.

Suburbia may stunt my creativity, but it is Mother Nature that brings it right back. And Nature caught on camera in this extraordinary way is something worth writing about.

There were scenes that literally made my jaw drop. It is that damn good.

CBC's Rex Murphy Rips Environmentalists

2007-06-09T10:51:00.001-07:00

Rex Murphy is perhaps my favorite Canadian journalist. He's smart, creative, unique and opinionated. Unfortunatly, he got this one wrong. Watch.

???

2007-06-05T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm lacking in creative inspiration right now. I think it has something to do with suburbia.

Let it begin

2007-05-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR

Well I am back and it is good.

Catching up with everyone and having those random bump-ins with people over the city is great! Even after two years everyone is looking great, and everyone is doing really well for themselves - I'm proud of you all.

I have a lot on my mind since coming back, and this blog will take a turn into a medium for my ideas, thoughts, and mindless rants. No more waterfalls, mountain climbing, weird insects, bunk beds or ancient histories and culture shock. Not for these next few months anyways.

My mind and conciseness have been broaden and stretched, and it can never go back to their original shape and size. I wouldn't want it to. But all this a little later on.

For now, I say Go Sens Go, Frank Thomas sucks, Popstar likes blowup dolls and Spurs in 6 over the Pistons.

Bringing it all Back home

2007-05-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

One more night in Marrakech, one more night in London, then it's home.

'Booyakashaw', as they say.

First stop: Tim Hortons for a double double with milk.

Second stop: Wendys for a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger and a Frosty.

Third: Depending on how I feel after the frosty, perhaps another JBC

Fourth stop: Finish it all off with a Dairy Queen Oreo blizzard.

Hell Ya!

Reminder to all those that want to come out for a few predrinks May 12th, this Saturday Night - you are all invited! Stop by anytime after 4 (directions to Kinga's Condo on facebok events) and get ready for a great night out.

Till then!

Switzer

Arab Land

2007-04-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

After spending a quility week back in the civilized world in London, and then in Dublin with Fraze, I was quite ready to get back on a plane to Toronto and head home. Done. Finished. I'm tired and I want my goddamn bed. But not just yet - for I arrived in Marrakesh, Morocco two days ago.

What a step back into fucking time. This place is medieval and cool as shit. Snake charmers, story tellers, acrobats, and jugglers congregate here at the Djemaa el Fna , in what is perhaps the finest open aired space in the world. The souks (old, traditional markets) have the most beautiful artisan crafts I have ever seen. Rugs hang from the ancient street walls, glass stained lanterns provide the light of the nights, and the open air BBQ's bring a smell mixed with all the scents your senses can handle.

And then the people. Ancient tribesman who for centuries have been caravaning the Sahara sharing their stories, their goods, and their smiles. The colours of their clothes is that of a rainbow. Stunning. Absolutely stunning, to see a black Arab man in a strong and vibrant blue silk dress, bright orange turban, and yellow scarf covering everything except his eyes. This shit is straight out of the 1200's I swear.

Anywho, I'm off on a 4 day trek though Oasis' and deserts. I just wish I had more time here, and mark my words I will be back. But yeah, after 20 months abroad, I'm missing my fucking bed.

May 12th here we come!!!

London

2007-04-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

You meet a lot of great people on the road and you as you part ways we say to each other how we will keep in touch and the like. This rarely happens.

That is what made last week so special when 8 of us who lived together in Sydney met up 15 months later in London, England. Luke, Adam, Ryan, Guiseppe, Anna, Emma, and Maria it was a blast catching up with all of you guys again! Shout outs to Rachel and Emma who came along for the party too - the more the merrier!! Chavala and Neil - you guys have to plan things out better to reach the next one! We can do with out the Frenchies, but the Swedes best be in, same with Kev, and of course The Baroness along with Annabelle.

So what do you say? Every 15 months we meet up somewhere on this planet and get our piss on! I'm thinking Rio next.....sound good?

Thanks again!!!

The Himalayas

2007-04-16T03:29:00.000-07:00

If you asked me 2 weeks ago if I would want to come back to India my answer would have been a dry 'maybe'. Sure the country is amazing, but I just think that I tired myself out of Asian travel.

Now my answer is an enthusiastic 'YES'. Not since the jungles of Loas has one spot captivated my interest and inspired pure awe of my environment and surroundings. My treking through the Kullu Valley amongst the Himalayan Range did this too me. But I tell you - this is no easy trek.

Usually a 3 hour trek that a local recommends takes me 1.5 hours of brisk walking through the various jungles or forests. The Asians have small legs, and tend to walk quite slow. Up here in the mountains, a 3 hour trek easily turns into a 5 hour one, challenging everyone physically and mentally to haul ass up to the next village nestled high up in the Valley. No roads lead to these places; legs and arms being the only vehicle up these steep climbing paths, and sometimes risky vertical ascensions.

The Villages were those of tradition make - with many Nepalese and Tibetan variations - as many refugees live amongst these Indians up in the mountains. Shooting out from the steep ridges, the front of houses sprung out on stilts to keep the house on an even slope. Traditional woodwork and stonecutting would make up the house, with centuries old elevated fields allowing vegetables and grain to be grown high up in the altitude. The nearby streams supplied the village with enough water, and their fields and trading amongst other villages supplied them with enough food.

These Villages were perhaps one of the most spectacular things I have seen. And again the locals - such beauty. Their skin tone is that of what looks like a mix between the Japanese and the Native American Indians that once roamed our plains. Red tones, tanned skin, and huge smiles.

Within these massive valleys and mountains there are a many of fresh water streams and waterfalls, created by the slowly melting snow capped mountains. Many of the Mountain passes, and in turn the villages, were inaccessible to me because of the massive amounts of snowthat stood in my way. The treking season starts in another month or so still, as the snow is just to difficult to pass. But I still made do and made it too a few villages where I stayed for a few days at a time, and enjoyed my peace and quiet.

I can only hope these words can display the pure awe these mountains held over me. It is truley another world up there, and I mark my words - I will be back. I urge every single one of you who is reading this to go out there and challenge yourself. I gaurantee that the experience willl change you forever.

And boy oh boy, I haven't even began to mention the quality of the strawberry fields up there - absolutely unreal.

Moving on, tonight I will be displeasing the travel Gods, for I am flying to London via Moscow with Aeroflot. This Russian airline is supposed to be the grim reaper of airline travel. But fuck it, it was the cheapest flight to London and so I took it.

I'll be staying with my old housemate Luke, from my Sydney Oz days. 5 or 6 of my other English housemates are coming down to London for the reunion too so I can't wait!! It's funny how the people that I first started out living with abroad are some of the last people I will see on my trip some 19 months later.

The air is cleaner

2007-04-10T08:17:00.000-07:00

The air is cleaner and crisper up here, among the mountains and the valleys that make the Himalayan Range. I spend most of my time staring at the mountains, caught in a daze trying to figure out why anyone would even think about living anywhere else. The sea speakes to me yes, but it's the mountains that captivate me. I could talk all day about these mountains and what I have found amongst them, but here is not the place. We'll have a cup of tea one day and chat about it, adding some other crazy stories I have picked up along the way.

Anyways today I feel extra special. I woke up and had my first Yoga experience, and I guess feeling inspiried to take the world on, I learnt chess. I am 0-5.

I do feel bad about those Leafs, very good about those Raptors, and excited for the Jays. The Big Hurt what?!?!?

See you all soon

My last 7 Days

2007-04-03T09:28:00.000-07:00

It all started with that rafting trip beginning at the source of the Nile in Jinja, Uganda. Tipping on our last rapid gave me a little limp and some scars on my right foot from the rocks I hit while I was being manhandled by that outrageously strong current. I want to do this rafting business again.

Day 2: My Family and I spent our last day in Kampala's Sheraton Hotel, sitting poolside ordering food and reading books. By 4pm I was on the back of a motorbike zipping through the downtown traffic so I could catch that bus from hell back to Nairobi.

Day 3: Having arrived downtown Nairobi early in the morning and exhausted, I met up with my friend James and crashed at his place for a few hours. The day saw me in and out of casinos (constantly betting 50 cents on red at the Roulette table - I swear Red is the way to go) and the National African Archives Center which was a museum like center for African Art. This night found me eating a fine meal sipping my first Canadian Club and Coke in cloes to 2 years, flying 35,000 feet above Somalia and Saudi Arabia on Air Emirates flight 716. Allahdamn those Arabs know how to fly well. Emirates fully deserve the distinction of the world's best airline!

Day 4: Dubai, Dubai, Dubai. Hani, you are a King amongst men. Thanks for your generous hospitality by taking me around this truly remarkable, truly crazy city that was once nothing but sand dunes. The buildings were fantastic, the weather gorgeous, and the beers cold. Taking a quick dip in the Gulf was a tick of the old to-do list as well. Tell Bouchra I say Hello! - I'll be back - and I'll bring Caudle with me.

Day 5: Back to Bombay, India. As soon as I exited the plane, the humidity in the air bitch slapped me in the face. Goddamn it got hot here! I got a few errands done, and said hello to my afternoon class that I was volunteering with 3 month ago. Man does time fly. The kids look older and smarter already, and I really will miss them and their teacher Shefali!

Day 6: New Delhi. I'm tired of big Indian cities that make no sense. I'm outta here.

Today: Manali, up in the Himalayas. This is Seventh Heaven. Let me rest - I go to sleep now.

Uganda

2007-03-31T02:29:00.000-07:00

It was a steep walk down, and it took an hour and a half or so. Once we were down in the jungle, the machetes came out and the chopping began. The bush was thick - thicker than any jungle I have ever been in. But then we saw him.

At first he looked like a bear, but when he ripped a branch of the tree you saw his massive hands, his nimble arms, and when he looked at you - his piercing eyes. He was a mountain Gorilla; so massive, so beautiful and so human-like. Amazing.

Such gentle giants, yet there are only 700 or so left in the wild, with Uganda having 300 or so left in the thick mountain jungle that they call home. They have been hunted and poached near extinction through the past 100 years, but their numbers are slowly increasing again through various programs and initiatives.

We spent an hour with the SilverBack and his family of 8 other Gorillas. They'd grunt at us, and we'd grunt back - this was their call to say hello, we are friendly. They would come close, look at us, then continue on to wherever they wanted to go. One time we were surrounded by them - wherever you looked, a gorilla was eating, another one was walking, and another one just looking at us, arms crossed almost wondering who we were and where we came from. It was pretty sweet. We got pics - Just no comps are sophisticated enough to upload them. Soon though.

In another adventure, rafting down the Nile was amazing. One of the coolest experiences yet!

I'm back to India, but first Dubai, UAE

Keep movin'

Switzzzzzzzzz

Africa

2007-03-24T06:21:00.000-07:00

The time was between 2 - 5 am, and I was somewhere on Kenya's western Savannah, on the worst public bus ride in my life. The seat was broken, my legs cramped and squished, and the road, my God the road. Even for Africa, this road was hell. The bus driver who loved yelling random words in Swahili performed miracles, taking the bus off-road at crucial times, but still going over our fair share of the pot-holed, beat up and broken down sorry excuse for what they considered a road. I was on this bus through the night for 16 hours.

Meanwhile, my younger sister Lindsay some 4000 km away and closing, was lounging on her first class seat she somehow swinged for her 8 hour Air Ethiopian flight from Bangkok to Addis Abbas. At the same time still, my Mother and youngest sister Taylor were perusing around the Amsterdam Airport waiting to leave for Entebbe, going through duty free shops spraying perfumes and reading their Cosmo and Teen People magazines. Damn them. (I still have to get back to Nairobi the same way in a few days) And so these were all our attempts to meet up for the first time in 18 months, in Entebbe, just outside of Kampala the capital of Uganda.

We all made it, and that's just the beginning. We came to see the country, the people, and the wildlife. All are unbelievable.

My story in Africa, however starts in Nairobi, 3 days earlier. Upon arriving, I do what I usually do once I am in a new, foreign big city: I get drunk. I don't know if it was the beer or the shaking booty's of these dancing African queens, but I was feeling good. MY GOD are the woman beautiful here. And their asses, you've think you've seen it in Canada - HELL NO. Wait till you get this 24 year old dance artist shake herself silly to the beats of the Congo drum music re-mixed to some classic Dutti Rock by Sean Paul. Multiply that by 10. I was blown away. Was it sexual? Hell yes. The clubs in Toronto have no clue what goes on here! (Footnote - Daniel Ferron - this place is for you)

Anyways enough on the beautiful woman and their beautiful bums, dark skin, and perfect white smiles; I'm in Africa, and there is plenty more to see. So the next morning I went on a day Safari through Nairobi National Park. This park is something of an anomaly, being so close to the city. The skyscrapers of downtown are the backdrop to the giraffes, elephants, baboons, antelope and rhinoceroses that roam and run around freely in this 750 km2 park. Yeah, I saw all of em, and it was ridiculously cool. Pics are on the way.

The next day was spent online applying for International Internships relating to HIV awareness/and Micro Financing ideas across the globe. I can't stay in Brampton for too long once I'm back, so I'm trying to set something up for the Fall.

The day after was spent roaming the city eating fried chicken (every restaurant is a fried chicken joint) and talking to a Somalian refugee who talked of the two bombs that the USA just dropped last month on a little village near his home. I wouldn't be surprised if you've never heard of this either. But that is what makes traveling the world so interesting - you hear these stories from the people. Not form the TV, not from the radio; from the people. They look into your eyes and tell you these things. CNN can't show that coverage, and newspapers can't write those words; you can only experience them through the people, and I am lucky to be experiencing this.

3 hours later I found myself on that dreadful bus ride, from which this story began.

And it has only started.

I'll only say that it has been a week since then, and we have been all over this lush East African country. Tomorrow we finally get to trek through and up into the mountains, in search of the great Mountain Gorillas. It is only in this small corner of the world, some 150km2 where the Congo, Rwanda and Uganda meet, that these giant primates can be found and watched at play.

Till then, Hippos and the wild playful chimps are my favorite.

TIA

Varanasi

2007-03-09T00:36:00.000-08:00

After seeing the world for over 18 months now, nothing really excites me or awes me as much as they once did. A temple here, a waterfall there - only so much of this can excite you.

But then I arrived in the ancient Holy Hindu city of Varanasi. Wow. This place has to be one of the most fantastic sights in the world. Situated on the banks of the Ganges river, you really see another world before you.

I don't know where to start. Along the Ganges life spiritually and literally begins and ends with the Hindus. Open air cremations happen daily, and take as long as 5 hours until the ashes are thrown into the river. Watching this is something else. 10 meters down river the city people are bathing. 15 meters further there's people squatting using the river as there toilet. 20 more meters there's boat man, gamblers, snake charmers, and dhobi's - a place where the laundry gets done (yes, even my clothes got washed in the river) 25 more metes this whole process starts again. Absolutely unreal.

And then you have the Babas. They have renounced all material possessions, and live in make shift tents along the ghats. Some choose to wear bright orange, yellow clothing, others wear only their dreadlocks they've had growing for over 50 years. Think of a Rasta Man meeting Krusty the Clown meeting Cheech and Chong. As these Babas do all day is smoke their chillum - a hashish pipe of sorts, and get high. Sometimes the ambitious ones feel the need to rub themselves in ash and walk around naked down by the river. Smoking hash has never made me feel like this, but maybe it's that Ganges water they bathe in.

On top of that add a fire festival (bonfires in the middle of the street/alleyways/everywhere), a paint festival (Mardi Gras with paint), my 25th Birthday, nightly Ganges river ceremonies, Nepalese and Himalayan hashish, monkeys. goats and water buffalo a plenty, good people and cool music - and you have a week spent in one of the most amazing places I have ever witnessed.

Great Time Dad

2007-03-02T05:56:00.000-08:00

Monkey Man, Cobra Man, Python Man

Hey Dad, it was great catching up with you over here in India. The Goan beaches were pretty cool, and same with the Taj. I'll get the pics up as soon as I can find a comp that can handle uploading pics. Hows your head? It took quite a beating from the low ceilings didn't it.

I didn't enjoy Blink as much as I thought I would, but Into Thin Air is turning out to be a great read. It turns out that as of right now I am closer to Mt. Everest than I am to Delhi!

This holi Hindu city of Varanasi, where I am now is unreal. It's a shame you had to leave when you did. This place is situated on the banks of the Ganges, and I swear it's one of the best places I have been too since I've left home. I'll tell you more about it soon.

Love Ya

Matt

Goa

2007-02-19T04:56:00.000-08:00

After seeing my Dad for 5 minutes after he landed in Mumbai, he was promptly kicked out of the country and sent back to Frankfurt. No Indian Visa.

Ya, so that was an absolute mess, but 4 days later he arrived again, and we booked it out of the city and are now on the famous Goan beaches.

Huge Palm trees, laid back life style, and Hippy Paradise. This all makes for a great travellers paradise too. Some of these hippies must have been here since the 70's and simply never bothered to leave. The 'real world' simply does not exist to these people, and why should it.

We are sleeping in a hut on the beach, cricket is being played on the sand, and outstanding curries are being cooked up under the sun for 100 Rupees. Lots of beer is bring consumed too.

You should come down.

back to the backpack

2007-02-07T07:47:00.000-08:00

I will miss my top spot on the ricketiest bunk bed imaginable at the good ol'Salvation Army where I have been living for the past 4.5 weeks. Not much Salvation going on there - hash joints being lit up in the common room, junkies falling asleep with their heads right into their dinner meals, and Indians yelling at the top of their lungs at 5 in the morning. But hey, it was the cheapest place to live.

My Dad is coming out here, and the next 3 weeks promise to be a blast. I haven't seen him in 1.5 years...yikes...but it will be great catching up.

In other news, I've grown some balls and applied for an Iranian Visa. I had to submit a detailed application form along with a passport photo. I hope I won't get rejected because I look to Jewish. Bad joke I know.

Also I've found that Indian guys like to go to the gym and work out with their shirts off. It seems like the hairier the male, the likely they are to take their shirts off. It's a corralting relationship I tell you.

I'm out, and wanting some chala masala.

quotables

2007-01-29T08:15:00.000-08:00

"The more I see the less I know" - Snow, Red Hot Chili Peppers

"It's a great adventure, your life, and it has only just begun...." Gregory David Roberts, Shantaram

On Lateral Knowlegde:
'To describe a growth of knowledge that doesn't move forward like an arrow in flight, but expands sideways.....Lateral knowledge is knowledge that's from a wholly unexpected direction, from a direction that's not even understood as a direction until the knowledge forces itself upon you'
-Taken from Robert Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

'As a private person, I have a pssion for landscape, and I have never seen one improved by a billboard. Where every prospect pleases, man is at his vilest when he erects a billboard. When I retire from Madison Avenue, i am going to start a secret society of masked vigilantes who will travel around the world on silent bikes, chopping down posters at the darm of the moon. How many juries will convict us when we are caught in these acts of beneficent citizenship'
-Opening Paragraph in Klein's No Logo

'you have no duties to fulfill which require puncuality or exactitude'
-Marks on Hashish, The Howard Marks Book of Dope Stories

This is Bombay

2007-01-24T07:55:00.000-08:00

So the Mumbai Marathon took place over the weekend, and the city was rammed with people all taking part of the festivities. An hour or so after the Kenyan winner crossed the finished line I was walking home, back along inside the running route, even though it was still boarded off and still had slower runners huffing and puffing their way to the finish. We were right downtown mind you, which made the scene very surreal.

No officials seemed to mind me walking casually in the opposite directions through the course, nor did they seem to mind the wild cow that somehow broke through the barrier and was galloping along side, and eventually passing one of the runners. Only in India would there be a cow wondering around aimlessly on the pavement in the heart of this giant city. That's just how it is.

Bombay

2007-01-14T23:03:00.000-08:00

Everywhere you look, everywhere you go, there are tons and tons of people. People walking, selling, smoking, eating, begging, sleeping, yelling, driving - these streets are alive 24 hours a day.

I've settled in quite nicely, living at The Salvation Army right downtown. I pay 150 Rupees a night, and I get a free breakfast in the mornings.

My volunteer work is actually something quite special, and I'm glad that I decided to do it.
I'm working for an NGO, akanksha.org, who help empower slum children across India by teaching them English, mathematics, life skills, arts and crafts and the such. Bombay alone has 33 centres. I'm at two of them, one in the mornings, and another one during the afternoon. The first day they were all shy of me, but after a simple magic trick, they all wanted to sit beside me, hold my hands, or just be up against me. It's something quite special, and I really feel for them as I know that where they come from and what they go home to each night is terrible. This week I am hopefully going into one of the slums where some are from and just see how they live. This should be an eye opener. I will put picks up too once I find a freaking computer that can handle a simple upload.

Anyways, yesterday was as a bizarre day if there ever was one. I was an extra on a Bollywood set! I got to dress up as a security guard, and then play a pilot walking out of an airport terminal. The shoot took 12 hours or so - lots of waiting around, but I didn't mind, I was always watching everything, and snooping around. I got paid 500 Rupees and got free food all day long. After the shoot, myself and two of the other white extras that were there went straight to a bar and got thoroughly drunk on our hard earned cash. We then al came back to The Salvation Army where we smoked a few of Northern India's finest until we all passed out.

Write me a letter

2007-01-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

Make a lonely boys' wish come true and write him a letter. That's right, a REAL letter...none of this e-mail business - I'm talking old school. Just think of how fun that would be. Even if I haven't talked with you for ages, it will be nice. Please???

Matt Switzer
c/o Poste Restante
Mumbai GPO
Mumbai, India
400 001

Right a return addy and I will right back!

Thanks!

On the Road Again

2007-01-03T06:16:00.000-08:00

The past 10 days have been a blur.

Having spent Xmas in Taiwan with my sister Lindsay who I haven't seen in 15 months ( I told her she looked older when I first saw her at the airport, but what I meant was that you look very grown up, mature, and lovely!) and we had a blast. I learnt that Chinese letters are confusing, 7-11's kick ass and Taipei 101 is really really tall.

I then hopped on a Royal Dutch Airways' 747 (I literally cleaned them out of Heinekens - remember, free booze on international flights) and flew to Bangkok for New Years, meeting my friend Anna whom I met in Sydney last year. We got plastered, so much so that I passed out around 10pm and missed the celebration. Dammit. The bombs went off about 5 minutes from where we were, but we were all safe. Thanks to my one friend, Caudle, who e-mailed checkin up on things. I love you too buddy.

From Central Thailand I am now on my way to Singapore. After taking 2 valiums and one sleeper/overnight train, I now find myself half way there. I woke up at 10am groggy (the valiums) to the noise of the 1968 train huffing along the uneven track. I got off in Trang, and I could smell the sweet scent of the sea, and low and behold it was calling out to me (could have been the valiums though, too).

Figuring I should get some last minute rays from the sun I'm spending 3 nights here on Ko Lanta, an island in southwest Thailand, enjoying the beaches and the laid back goodness life. Tomorrow we are going to one of the premier Scuba Dive spots in the world in the Andaman Sea - right off of Ko Phi Phi island. Should be sweet and I am stoked.

On the 8th I'm flying into India, where I will begin to cry as I have no idea what I am getting myself into. For the next 5 weeks I will be volunteering in Mumbai (Bombay) where some 16.5 million Indians live and die - mostly through cricket, Bollywood films, and curries. Brampton eat your heart out!

Love y'all

Switzer

HAPPY 2007!!!

2007-01-01T21:09:00.000-08:00

Happy New Years Everyone.

'Stay far from timid/
Only make moves when ya heart's in it/
And live the phrase Sky's The Limit'

Notorious B.I.G

GOODBYYYYYYYEEEE Vietnam

2006-12-20T22:30:00.000-08:00

I got woken up by the Communists this morning for the last time. The speakers that are throughout Hanoi begin at 7am and today ran for an hour and half. They first play what seems to be a triumphant war song, then a man talks his communist bullshit for the next hour. The people seem to let the noise melt in with their surrounding, and not take much notice. But from what a tour guide told me, after 30 years of hearing the same voice everyday, you would drown it out too.

Anywho, this country did have some better aspects to it that are worth mentioning. The snake liqou r was interesting (a yellow bile-like liquid in a jar with a cobra snake with a scorpion in his mouth), the women here are beautiful, and Halong Bay was a natural wonder. Shopping here was another adventure. I got 2 tailor made suits, 2 tailor made jackets, some sweet ties, shirts and sandals, all for under $200US. I sent them off for home today, sea mail, and they should arrive sometime in Brampton in 2010.

Tonight I fly out of Hanoi and into Bangkok, sleep at the airport overnight because I am too cheap to go into the city and pay for a $3 room, then leave for Taiwan tomorrow to see Lindsay, my sister. I haven't seen any family for over 15 months, so this meeting is long overdue.

Talk to you soon

Public Service Announcement

2006-12-17T04:15:00.000-08:00

One thing that is fairly common with travellers, besides getting shitfaced in wierd places and and befriending even wierder people, is a habit that quickly turns into love: Reading

This PSA has been brought on by a fairly constant stream of great books that have been passed on, picked-up, bought, and traded between myself and others. I encourage all to do the same.

I just finished one in particular, the autobiography of Howard Marks, called 'Mr. Nice'. I never heard of him either, until I picked up his book. I couldn't put it down.

He is real life Peter Pan, whose well travelled stories are so absurd that they have to be true. At the hieght of his career he had 43 aliases, 89 phone lines, and owned twenty-five companies trading throughout the world. He was in contact with the IRA, Mafia, CIA, and MI6. He was eccentric, but the characters he introduces you to were even more so. Mixed with extreme luck, personality, charisma and charm (shit I sound like an actual reviewer) he has outrageuos and amazing stories to tell. I guess I should mention he was an international dope smuggler.

I strongly suggest you to pick up this book and read it at leasure. As for dope, yeah, you can do that too.

This is Vietnam

2006-12-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

The last 2 weeks can be described as such:
Food poisening/Saigon is crazy/massive head cold and fever/Cyclone Durian and heaps of rain/more food poisening/bus breakdowns in the middle of Vietcong country/and today - cruising the islands off of Nha Trang under the sun with some great people.

Finally our fortune turns around. We're baaaaaaaack.

Random

2006-11-29T22:08:00.000-08:00

It is possible to fit up to 6 Asians on a motorbike, and 10 in a small car.

Shooting guns makes you horny.

"No I do not want a tuk-tuk"

Always learn how to say 'Crazy Foreigner' in the language of the country you are in. It will bring laughs from everyone and you can use it in almost any situation.

To my best of knowledge, I've yet to eaten dog. If I have, last night's meat was a prime candidate.

Most Asians are clean shaven, however some keep their face mole-hairs uncut since birth. It must be a status symbol of some sorts. I think it is gross.

"I am walking, I do not want a ride in your tuk-tuk"

All books in Cambodia are photocopies.

Some nights I will splurge and buy a $3 meal.

"I DO NOT WANT A FUCKING TUK-TUK"

You can barter for anything and everything.

The largest shoe size in Asia is CAN11. You will be laughed at like a freak if you try to buy anything bigger.

"FUCK, FUCK OFF TUK-TUK DRIVERS!!!!"

All Asian children are beautiful. Once they turn 12, the ugly bug hits them. Some make it past that stage without incident, however most hot Asian ladies are boys.

All travellers I've met who've been away for more than 18 months are all cooky and wierd. I do not want to become a statistic.

When you really do want to find a tuk-tuk to take you somewhere, they are never around.

Cambodia..doesn't that sound Bad Ass!?!

2006-11-25T03:34:00.000-08:00

You think you've seen it all but then you find yourself drinking beers, shooting AK47's and throwing grenades at 10am in the morning.

After Phnom Penh, we headed north east to Angkor's 1000 year old temples and wats built by the Khmer's, the earleist Cambodians. Absolutely out of this world.

Many of the temples have been restored while others are left alone, letting the jungle surround and overtake them. Some wats even have the trees growing out of the old walls. Seeing the jungle reclaim it's land gives you a depth to the time of how long ago these massive stone buildings were pieced together.

The Vietnam Experience is next...

Cambodia

2006-11-17T20:37:00.000-08:00

Okay - waterfalls, volcanic jungle lakes, bowling ( real 10 pin too), a Cambodian University class that we almost got kicked out of (luckily I had some fruit to share with the 'administrator'), and showing a magic trick that made 20 Cambodians run away in complete fright, leaving their pool game unfinished for the night. Fun times.

From that rural town of Ban Lung, we drove 10 hours via a taxi to Phnom Phen, the capital of this country. There was us 3 white guys in the back of this small car, and 5 Cambodians in the front. To pass the time we bought 2 cases of beer and got smashed. We arrived at 8pm in the capital with 48 beers behind us, many of them shot gunned.

I'm getting excited for Ankor Wat , one of the man made Wonders of the World, and should be there next week. Lates

Just click the link

2006-11-07T01:03:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yxp9JoBl47Q

Waterfalls and Rice Fields

2006-11-02T05:13:00.000-08:00

After Luang Prabang most backpackers head south to Vang Vieng for Opium Shakes and Happy Pancakes. I instead went off the beaten route and went North. Only a handful of people make it up here, which makes this place that much more special. No motorbikes, no internet, no phones - this is what travelling is about.

We hiked to remote villages where everyone came out and greeted us - so friendly beyond anything I have ever experienced. We hit waterfalls, went deep into caves, wondered past rice fields, and looked up at the stunning, jagged limestone jungle cliffs that surrounded the area. I only hope that the 21st Century, even the 20th Century, never catches up to them. They have nothing and they have everything. These people live off the land, catch there own food, and even make their own 'Lao Lao' - rice whiskey, which gets you quite messed up. The fact that the village stayed with us all night partying, playing, singing, drinking and eating - even though nobody spoke a lick of English, made the experience that much more special. Wicked.

Facebook

2006-10-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

I've succumbed to the pressure. I am now officially a member of facebook.com

I can now be found at internet cafes wasting my afternoons away.

Dammit

2006-10-22T02:15:00.000-07:00

It felt as if Joseph Conrad's pen itself was drawing the scene as we slowly snaked down the Mekong river, leaving Thailand and entering into the depth of Laos.

The river banks supported tiny villages, held up large limestone cliff mountains, and an abundance of jungle forrests of which I have never seen the like of, and will probably never see again.

It was a 2 day journey on a slow boat that held 50 people, but was jammed with 80 and their backpacks/life belongins/and live chickens. With 8 hours on the boat a day, it was rough, but the scenery more than made up for it.

It seemed as if everyone from the boat hit the same bar last night, and we all officially welcomed eachother into this new country for the first time. We ended up in some wooden shack and drank Beer Lao ($12,ooo Kip = CAN$1.10) till 3am and then we got kicked out.

I am going to like this country.

It's the little things

2006-10-13T00:50:00.000-07:00

People invariably ask me what do I miss from back home?
Well here is a quite random list -

A Tim Hortons double double with milk - none of this 'tall black' with milk shit
Hearing a house phone ring - and even better it being for me!
My own bed, in my own sheets and blankets - not on some bunk bed sharing a room with 7 other people where snoring is not your only problem of noise...
Watching a Blue Jays game on the TV - and give me my Sports Highlights afterwards!!
The sound a car makes when the lights are left on and the front door is ajar - hell, I'd love just to be in a real car
Being able to sit on a nice clean couch and having the option of passing out on it - a LazyBoy would be nice too
Being at a bar and running into people you know
Listening the radio in the car - my iPod tunes are getting a tad over-played
That feeling of walking outside and having your nostrils freeze
Going on a bagel run in the UCC with the Gatsby Boys - it was if Santa Claus himself would come into the house and announce a new run was completed, this time with sandwiches
Wearing a nice pair of casual shoes, a clean pair of pants, and a crisp ironed shirt
And finally eating a big plate of my Mom's spaghetti!! and having seconds later in the night

But of course nothing beats just sitting around with family and friends and having a good laugh.

All in due time.

Get Your Full Moon On

2006-10-08T23:19:00.000-07:00

In the future, whenever I look up and see a Full Moon, a devilish smile will appear on my face; for I have experienced the Full Moon Party.

Picture 8000 people filling an entire beach around midnight, drinking buckets after buckets of booze, dancing the night away, climaxing finally as the sun began to rise from the sea. It was like Mardi Gras on a beach.

We painted our faces in fluorescent yellow, red and purple, Pollock style, and headed down to the beach around 11pm. Are first stop was 7-11 for a cold Chang, after that it was mayhem. We all lost eachother about 4 minutes after the Chang, but no worries, there was 7990 other people around ready to have a good time.

By sunrise everyone most were still partying, with maybe 500 people passed out in random positions and spots throughout the beach. The tide was even claiming a few casualties, but their friends found them and dragged their asses up a few more meters. It was pretty funny.

Great Night.

Off to Bangkok now.........holy shit........

The Coup

2006-09-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

After spending a few days in the Malaysian Jungle, which was kick ass by the way, I now find myself in Phuket, Thailand, drinking tea and reading about the Coup D'Etat (Holy Shit) that happened 24 hours ago in Bangkok.

But after sussing it all out, talking to others, and hitting the net, it seems like this is a welcome change to the Thai's and to their government. Their former PM was abusing his power and used an iron fist approach dealing with his political opponents.

All things are back to normal now in Bangkok: traffic is jammed to the tits, lady boys are chasing after foreigners, and ping pong balls are flying out of orifices to plastic cups 10m away......amazing.

Today in KL....

2006-09-17T05:38:00.000-07:00

I brought down my dirty clothes to the 7-11 below my hostel this morning. They wash and dry them for a cool 4RM (CAN$1.25). Sweet

Needing some new clothes and wanting to be stylish for Thailand, I bartered 100RM in the Chinatown markets for a new pair of shoes, a knockoff Lacoste shirt, and a fake Ralh Lauren polo shirt. Dope.

Tomorrow I'm getting off the beaten track and heading to Malaysia's jungle known as Taman Negara, the world's oldest rainforest (how they figured this out I have no clue) for the week. These jungles still have wild elephants, tigers, and 10 foot long cobra's; I just hope they don't hurt me.

I was told to bring salt cubes to keep the leeches off of you, and to carry lots of drinking water. What am I getting myself into, I dunno, but it sounds like one helluva time!

Well I have to go pick up my clean laundry now from downstairs. I hope they smell "러헌ㅇㅓ" fresh like they claim it will!

Kuala Lumpur

2006-09-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

I'm in Asia!

After an 8 hour flight from Sydney, I arrived in Kuala Lumpur, the capital of Malaysia, and quickly learned what an amazing city this is. A true mosaic of the Asian cultures make up this country, sprouting from the Indian, the Thai, and the Chinese. The colours, the smells, the music, and the food - my lord the food.

My first day I had 2 crunchy cheeseburgers from McDonalds, then vowed never to eat at these places again. So this morning I hit up one of the Indian Curry spots, and for 4RM(Malaysian Ringettes, or CAN$1.50) I had an all you can eat curry buffet. It was served on a giant green leaf and there were no utensils. I dug right in and it was delicious!

Although the beer is quite pricey, I still managed to put a few back with some fellow travelers at a local Raggae bar in Chinatown. We then found a rooftop patio over looking the city, bought some more booze, and continued the party while the world famous Petronas Towers glowed in the distance.

Today we hiked up to a Hindu shrine located in a cave 288 steps high. The hard part wasn't the steps though, it was the monkeys who seemed to be tailing us all the way to the top. At one point they were all lined up in a line in front of us, almost as if they were daring us to continue. A little scream from me and a flaring of the arms scared them off, however some still followed and hissed at us all the way up. Sure beats Brampton.

Ah Malaysia, can't wait for more.